Pictures of You
by rolly21
Summary: What would you do if the only family you've ever really known revealed a life changing secret. merder. callie/arizona
1. Chapter 1

This is the clock upon the wall  
This is the story of us all  
This is the first sound of a newborn child,  
Before he starts to crawl  
This is the war that's never won  
This is a soldier and his gun  
This is the mother waiting by the phone,  
Praying for her son

Pictures of you, pictures of me  
Hung upon your wall for the world to see  
Pictures of you, pictures of me  
Remind us all of what we used to be

There is a drug that cures it all  
Blocked by the governmental wall  
We are the scientists inside the lab,  
Just waiting for the call  
This earthquake weather has got me shaking inside  
I'm high up and dry

Pictures of you, pictures of me  
Hung upon your wall for the world to see  
Pictures of you, pictures of me  
Remind us all of what we used to be

Confess to me, every secret moment  
Every stolen promise you believed  
Confess to me, all that lies between us  
All that lies between you and me

We are the boxers in the ring  
We are the bells that never sing  
There is a title we can't win no matter  
How hard we might swing

Pictures of you, pictures of me  
Hung upon your wall for the world to see  
Pictures of you, pictures of me  
Remind us all of what we used to be

Pictures of you, pictures of me  
Hung upon your wall for the world to see  
Pictures of you, pictures of me  
Remind us all of what we used to be

The phone call had been surprising. It definetly hadn't been something  
she would expect especially from him. And yet it had came.

He required her to pack up her life and head back to her home city of  
seattle and while she knew that it could have been one of the best  
things for her careers, essentially it would be causing troubles with  
her private life.

Being the daughter of ellis grey had one stage had its perks, especially  
when you had always been the apple of her eye. You had seen it all, all  
of the surgeries, the medical scenarios and not to forget, the affairs.  
But when it comes to the knowledge of what extends from the affairs,  
that could be a breaker, and yet he had surprised you by calling.

The biggest issue that she could see however, was the fact that her  
little sister, who she hadn't heard from since she had called telling  
her how she would be jetting off to europe after her big fight with  
their mother, would be a dr working under her.

There was a lot to be said about their relationship. She had always  
wanted to make it better, to build on it, and yet, it seemed that she  
was always destined to fail. It didn't help that she had things she had  
longed to tell her that her mother had made her swear not to reveal.  
They seemed to always stand between them as if her sister always knew  
that she was hiding something.

Setting down her photo frame holding herslef and her sister, she knew  
that her arrival could be difficult, but hoped that this was her chance  
to make a break through.


	2. Chapter 2

Rolling into Seattle Grace was not a first for her. She had done it many  
times during her mother's residency, and looking down at her board, she  
guessed she would probably be doing it a lot more often.

Having not wanted to disturb her little sister or anything that she had  
set in place, she had made a point of buying a flat a few blocks from  
the hospital. It made it easier to get there, especially since she would  
need to come in for a variety of reasons. Her patients were delicate,  
and she always advised families that if they needed her for the  
slightest thing, that she would be there.

Jumping off of her skateboard, she flicked it up so she could then carry  
it through the hospital.

She had felt the strange looks she was receiving from the hospital staff  
and yet simply shrugged it off. She knew they would talk about the grown  
woman who was cruising around on a skateboard, but she didn't care. She  
was finding new ways to exercise all the time, and at least this one  
was popular with the kids.

Moving to catch the elevator, she slipped in quickly before the doors  
closed. Her rucksack bashing into someone as she went. "Sorry" she  
called.

She tried to make her way to the back of the elevator, but got caught in  
the middle pressed between two guys. Both were quite good looking, and  
yet they didn't appeal to her, but it had been a while since a guy  
really had anyway.

She feels their eyes upon her as she removes her helmet and lets her  
short curly blonde hair out. Quickly she runs a hand through it.

She continues to ignore their presence as she looks at her watch before  
starting to fiddle with it. She has 10 more minutes until she needs to  
reach the chiefs office.

She begins to tap her foot as she starts to get impatient. The elevator  
was taking so long and it was really irritating her. She wanted to get  
to his office and then out on the job as fast as she could.

The elevator doors spring open and she quickly pushes past people and  
runs out the door. She doesn't want to be late and even if speaking to  
the chief is the last thing she wants to do. It's the first thing she  
needs to do before starting the job.

She rushes through the hall like she is answering a 911 page and people  
move out of the way while murmuring at her about this being a hospital.

She finds the catwalk that is above the foyer and she slows down and  
walks across it with the ut-most professionalism. She knows that the  
chief could probably see her through his glassed walls.

She reaches the door and raises her hand to knock when the door springs  
open shocking her slightly.

"Come in ari" Richard says with a small smile. "Let's make this quick."


	3. Chapter 3

Arizona nervously stepped into the room. She forced a smile at her new  
chief, but didn't really offer any greetings.

"Welcome back to grace." Richard said with a smile. "Of course last time  
you were here you were just a kid."

Arizona could think of many things that she wanted to bite back with  
such as "yeah and you were sleeping with my mother."

She knew that if she had replied with a "its good to be back" that he  
could tell she was lying, however she knew that no response would not be  
best. She nodded her head and faked yet another smile.

Richard went on to run through the usual things such as locker numbers  
and contracts to sign before their meeting was over.

"I've organised a resident to come show you around. She's someone you  
should remember, after all he is a friend of your sisters." He  
continued.

Arizona rolled her eyes, she could guess that Richard was trying to  
interfere with her life and she had only just arrived.

Sure enough there was a knock on the door and a young male, who she had  
seen standing in the elvator was there.

"Karev, I know your busy working with bailey but Arizona is our new peds  
surgeon, so you will be working with her for a few days. Can you give  
her a quick run down of where things are before giving her a briefing on  
your patients status?" Richard asked.

Karev nodded

"Arizona robbins" she said with a smile as she introduced herself.

"Alex Karev" he replied looking bored.

Richard watched them carefully.

"Come on" karev grunted as he led the way out of the chiefs office.


	4. Chapter 4

She waited until they were far enough from the chief's office before she  
turned to face Karev. "I know these tours suck so I'm going to give u a  
little help. I know where everything is, Webber is just following the  
formalities." She said with a grin.

Dr Karev paused and shrugged his shoulder. She could see that he would  
love an out, even if it was something the chief had asked him to do.

"Look, how about you give me the file on your patient, and I will get  
changed and read over it. When I'm done I will come consult." She said  
with another of her fake smiles.

"Dude whatever." Alex all bar grunted at her.

Arizona followed him to retrieve the patients file before she quickly  
headed off to the locker room to change.

......................................................................

She had hoped that the locker room would be empty and yet when she  
entered it she found that there was a locker wide open.

She had not been surprised when she had entered the room and found that  
the lockers were more like cubbies than anything. She had recalled a few  
years ago something about Seattle Grace updating their rooms for their  
doctors.

Moving to the one that had now been allocated to her. Opening it she  
then moved to place her rucksack on the ground before unloading the  
contents.

Placing all the toiletries and her valuables in her lockable area, she  
then moved to put her skateboard and helmet in the cupboard up top.

Looking around, she then removed her photo of her and Meredith as  
teenagers. It was a cute photo of them, it really was one of her  
favourites. Meredith's hair was fading from the pink that she had put in  
it, and was slowly regaining its blonde colour. She wore a soft smile  
and it was one of the few times that Arizona could ever recall her being  
so relaxed.

Arizona remembered how she had talked her mother in letting them go to  
Australia for the winter break. It wasn't a long one, but she knew that  
it would be summer over there, and hoped that Meredith could use the  
time before settling in to finish her senior year.

They had been screwing around at the beach. It was one of their last  
days there. They had spent most of their holiday in sydney at the nova  
hotel. Of course they had left sydney and drove up or down the coast,  
but really they had never wandered far.

The day had been hot, and both of them had been taught how to surf by a  
few local guys. There hair was wet, and their skin was rather tanned for  
a change. They stood in their bikinis with their sunglasses on top of  
their heads and surfboards at their sides.

She had taken that photo everywhere with her. People had often commented  
on her "friend" not having realised that it was her sister.

Now as she placed it towards the back of her cubby, she could only hope  
that their relationship could go back to the way things were in  
australia, but she doubted they ever could.

Figuring that she had dwelled on the phot long enough she quickly  
removed her scrub caps that she had collected as well as a few of her  
knick knacks before grabbing her light blue scrubs that had been set  
aside for her.

Figuring that the open cubby was a forgotten cubby she began to undress.  
Sliding her jeans off of her waist and beginning to change.

It wasn't until she was in the process of removing her shirt that a  
figure stumbled out of the bathrooms and towards the locker.

Arizona moved quick to pull her shirt over her head but still felt the  
persons eyes on her. The truth was that she felt like she would melt  
under the persons gaze.

Quickly she grabbed her heelie shoes and threw them on. She wanted to at  
least be completely dressed when she turned around to talk to the person  
whose gaze was setting her on fire.

Turning around after having a battle with her shoes she only caught the  
site of the thick black hair as it whipped around the corner.


	5. Chapter 5

It hadn't taken long for word to get around about the new blonde peds  
doctor that had skates on the bottom of her shoes, or was willing to go  
head to head with Bailey over a patient. From what Alex had said though,  
the case was a difficult one and she knew that people could get divided  
over these.

Meredith couldn't shake the feeling that she knew the person. She had  
had a nagging feeling in the pit of her stomach. There was no reason why  
she would or should know a Dr from peds but the only thing she could be  
sure of was that she needed to catch a glimpse of this person who had  
wheels on the bottom of her shoes.

She had heard that the new doctor was scrubbing in with Alex and Bailey  
in OR 2 in 10 minutes, and from the talk amongst the junior residents  
and interns, there would be a few people going to suss her out.

Meredith moved to put her serial killers chart away. She needed a break  
from him and also from Derek who had been acting really weird from the  
moment he had entered the room

moving down the hall she cut through the people who were crowding for  
the elevator and crashed into the stairwell.

Jogging the rest of the way, Meredith made it to the gallery just in  
time to find a good position in the front row next to Derek. "Thought u  
might come see this." He said as he slipped an arm around her.

While Meredith had intended on taking a break from him she couldn't help  
but relax in his arms.

"I have a feeling" she confides as she watches Alex and Bailey enter the  
scrub room.

Derek tilts his head slightly remembering the last time that she had had  
a feeling.

"It's not a bad one, well at least I don't think it is, it's more of a  
nagging kind, I dunno it's too hard to explain." She rambled.

Derek nodded his head not knowing what to say to her.

"I'm fine" she told him. Your fine not mine."

Derek nodded as he leaned forward, moving his arms from around her. He  
wanted to watch this doctor in action because he knew he had a case  
coming up where he would have to work with her.

"So have you met her?" Meredith asks. She knows that he might have  
already been introduced by the chief.

"Not officially. I spotted her around earlier, but that's it." He  
replied.

Meredith sighed still trying to wrack her brain. She still didn't even  
know the doctors name, but was certain that she knew her.

When she saw the new resident walk in her eyes widened. She knew those  
eyes anywhere. They often stared back at her from a photo in her locker.  
No one had ever asked her about it, and the only person who knew who it  
was Sadie.


	6. Chapter 6

Derek had felt Meredith tense beside him and had no idea what it was all  
about.

He looked to her and noticed that her eyes were wide as she looked on  
with shock.

"Mer?" he said softly. "What is it?"

"Ari" she said softly as she moved to stand.

"What?" he asked.

"My sister" Meredith said quietly before walking out of the room, tears  
forming in her eyes.

......................................................................

Arizona had felt her sister's eyes on her from the moment she had walked  
into the OR. She had expected it, especially if it had gotten back to  
her that Dr Arizona Robbins was here.

She dared to look up slightly, and caught site of Meredith sitting next  
to a man. She could see that her sister looked shocked and hurt, which  
merely told her that her name hadn't actually been mentioned.

She watched as her sister stood and left the gallery.

Letting out a sigh she turned to the task in front of her only to  
receive an odd look from Dr Bailey who hadn't been impressed with her  
opinions earlier.

"Is everyone ready?" she asked as her eyes caught further movement in  
the gallery, and the doctor that Meredith had been sitting next to  
seemingly followed her from the room.

"Is everything okay Dr Robbins?" Dr Bailey asked giving her a  
scrutinising look.

Arizona nodded.

"Well good let's get this started." She said as she stepped forward and  
prepared to make her first cut.


	7. Chapter 7

Meredith couldn't believe that she was here. Of all the places for her  
sister had to come, she was here.

Meredith had headed for the only place that she knew that she could get  
perspective and that was the roof. It was the only place she could close  
her eyes and breathe in the Seattle sea air without having it invaded

She ran up the stairs not having the patience to wait for the elevator,  
stumbling on the first few because of her urgency.

She hadn't seen or heard from her sister for 5 years, "no 6" Meredith  
thought. Not since she herself had called her to let her know that she  
was running off to Europe with her trust fund. She needed time away from  
her mother to gain perspective. It had been when she had told her mother  
that she no longer wanted to do medicine and that she wanted to pursue  
her music.

Meredith could remember the blow out from that conversation. Her mother  
had thrown something at her, barely missing her before yelling at her  
that she was supposed to be passionate and driven and that pursuing a  
career in music would not achieve anything in life.

Her hands gripped the rail on the roof ledge as she braced herself,  
willing herself to calm down.

She thought about her fight with her mother and everything that had  
passed. She hadn't picked up another instrument since. It had been her  
release, the one thing that had kept her from falling into the  
darkness that used to consume her.

"Meredith" she heard Derek say from where he stood by the roof door.

Meredith turned slightly to look at him and nodded to let him know that  
it was okay for him to come over.

Derek moved over towards her slowly while Meredith turned back to face  
the ocean.

He slipped his arms around her carefully, a hand moving to her stomach  
and bringing her hard against him.

"Mer what was that?" he asked. He knew that she had said something about  
a sister and a name but he had been too caught up in the look on her  
face to pay attention.

"I can't believe she's here." Meredith murmured more to herself than  
anything.

"Who?" Derek asked looking confused.

"I haven't spoken to her since before I left for Europe cos when I got  
back she didn't have the same number. Mom and she had a fight and I...  
and mom was... and I haven't seen her." Meredith rambled.

"Who Mer?" Derek said sounding as confused as he was.

"My sister." Meredith said. "Arizona."

Derek tilted his head. It was the first time he had ever heard mention  
of a sister.

"You don't have a sister Mer, well not one called Arizona." He said as  
he duck his head down to kiss her head softly.

"She was the wanted one." Meredith murmured on "and I was... I dunno...  
but she definitely made my life hell."

Derek ran his hands up and down her shoulders. "So the new peds doctor  
is your sister." he asked and Meredith nodded.

"Dr Arizona Robbins." Meredith told him. "Or that's what I'm guessing  
her title is."

Derek closed his eyes as he tried to contemplate the shift.

"I haven't spoken to her since before Europe. I know we never had the  
best relationship but family doesn't disappear without a reason"  
Meredith murmurs.

Derek pulled her tight against him. "Here's your chance I guess. To find  
out why she disappeared."

"Hmmm" Meredith sighed as she turned in his arms to rest her head on his  
chest.

"What?" Derek asked softly.

"There's always been something between us." Meredith told him as she  
snuggled further into him.

Derek kept his arms around her holding her close. He couldn't imagine  
what it would be like to just lose contact with his family completely.  
As it was his mother had called in the morning to say that she would be  
in Seattle tomorrow. Nancy had already been out to Seattle and Erin and  
sim had already began preparing their trip. Derek knew that Meredith's  
family was different, but he didn't always understand how much different  
they were.


	8. Chapter 8

Arizona had finished her surgery and entered the scrub room. She  
couldn't help but hate what had happened in there. The young boy was  
sicker than they had imagined and now they would be racing the clock to  
get him a new liver.

It had been obvious to her that this Dr Bailey had an emotional  
attachment to the boy, and she couldn't help but feel disappointed on  
her behalf.

It had been a big decision for her to go into paediatrics. She hated  
seeing children sick and even more when they died, but she couldn't help  
but be greedy, as the feeling of knowing that you have saved a child is  
far better than she had ever felt saving a man or woman.

Removing her scrub cap she then proceeded to scrub out. She knew that  
she had 2 things to do right now, the first was to go find the mother  
and give her the bad news and the 2nd was to call unos and put the boy  
on the transplant list.

She thought passingly about Meredith and about seeing her but she did  
not know what she should say to her sister. She knew that their mother  
died last year and that it must have been hard for her, but what exactly  
do you say to a sister that you haven't seen or heard from for 6 years.

Moving to towel her hands she began to move off, she knew that she  
needed to keep her mind on work at work, but all she could hope was that  
she could get a second chance at being a sister to Meredith.


	9. Chapter 9

How do u draw the line? Meredith wondered as she looked in at her serial  
killer. After how things were on the roof with Derek, they had again  
shifted.

She had never seen him so angry towards anyone except maybe her and well  
this just never made sense.

As the man leered at her and made smart comments she raised her eyebrow  
at him. She couldn't help but be thankful that Derek wasn't in the room  
because he would be yelling at him to shut the hell up.

Finishing updating the chart she didn't even look at Christina as she  
walked out of the room.

That was something else that was weird for her. This fighting with  
Christina was killing her. But she wasn't going to back down. She had no  
idea even why Christina had carried on so much, after all she had been  
honest and well yeah.

Moving out to the nurse's desk she braced herself on it slightly.

"Can we maybe talk?" Meredith heard a voice come from behind her.

Closing her eyes and rubbing her hand down her face she then turned to  
face the source.

"I haven't seen or heard from you for 6 years and now you want to talk?"  
Meredith asked as she looked at her sister.

Arizona sighed and looked away. She could never look at Meredith when  
she was hurt, because she had always been able to see the extent of her  
pain in her eyes.

"Look" she sighed. "I'm going to tell you what I wasn't able to tell you  
6 years ago."

Meredith raised her eyebrows at her.

"I suggest we do it away from gossiping nurses because I have already  
heard enough about your love life and that of a few residents."

Meredith looked around, she had hoped that Derek wasn't too far away,  
but then again, she wasn't sure if he really wanted to talk right now  
with the way he had been acting.

"I'll see you at Joes." Meredith murmured before walking off.

Arizona watched her sister and couldn't help but wonder what the hell  
was Joes.


	10. Chapter 10

Meredith looked into Derek's office. She could see that he was brooding  
and that he would probably spend some time there.

Leaning against the doorway slightly she bit her lip and tilted her  
head. She knew that he would normally notice that she was there, that  
she would normally see his eyes run up and down her body before smiling  
up at her.

Letting out a soft sigh she moved into the room. He was still reading  
over something as she slipped her arms around his neck and dropped a  
kiss to his head.

"Hmmm" he sighed moving to put down the paper and looking up at her.

"I'm going to Joes, not for long, just to see someone and then to head  
home." Meredith murmured.

Derek smiled softly as he moved a hand up to push some hair back from  
her face.

"Ok" he replied before Meredith then dipped her head down to kiss him.

"I'll see you at home" she murmured before slowly pulling away.

"Yeah" he said softly as he moved to pick up the paper he had just been  
reading.

"Love you" Meredith murmured as she walked away not exactly sure of what  
was going on in Derek's head.


	11. Chapter 11

After asking around Arizona found out that Joes was the bar across the  
street, so she left her skateboard and helmet, but still slipped on her  
skate shoes and casual clothes and headed for the bar.

When she entered she spotted some of the nurses and other doctors that  
she had glimpsed around the hospital during the day. She also spotted a  
young blonde girl whom she had seen talking to Karev earlier during the  
day.

Moving to the bar she straddled the stool and looked at the guy behind  
the bar.

"You're new" he commented. "What can I get you?"

Arizona smiled at someone who generally seemed friendly.

"Can I just get a light beer thanks." She replied and then moved to  
shell a few nuts.

Joe moved to get the beer from the fridge below and then popped back up  
again. "So you look kind of nervous." He commented as he handed her the  
beer.

Arizona smiled awkwardly and took a swig from her beer.

Joe waited for her to answer, and when it seemed like she wasn't going  
to spill the beans he went to move away she started talking

"I'm meeting my sister and actually going to talk to her for the first  
time in 6 years." Arizona told him.

"Well that shouldn't be too bad should it?" he asked.

"It is if you've been the one left to keep a massive old secret from her  
for all of her life, not to mention the fact that she doesn't know I'm  
gay and that is the reason our mother cut me out." Arizona spilled.

Joe nodded his head he knew what it was like to be shunned by his family  
because of his sexuality. "Well good luck with your sister." Joe tells  
her "and if u need another drink just wave."

Meredith walks into the bar, it felt strange coming here to meet her  
sister considering she would normally be here to meet Christina and the  
gang, and yet Chris was still not talking to her.

Looking around the bar she spotted the trademark blonde wavy hair  
sitting by the bar talking to Joe. Meredith moves further into the bar  
and gestures to Joe to grab her a beer as she nears her sister.

Taking the position next to her sister she waited until Joe had  
delivered her beer before even thinking about looking at her.

"Merry berry." Arizona said to her quietly.

"Ari" she replied as she still kept her eyes on the bar.

"Merry talk to me." Arizona said quietly.

Meredith turned to eye her sister. "What do you want to hear ari? That I  
tried calling you endlessly for a whole year, that your still keeping  
something from me cos I can still see it in your eyes, or do you want to  
know how shit my life has been for the past 6 years with the exception  
of Derek?" she asked.

Arizona turned her head away, again hating to see the hurt in her  
sister's eyes.

"You can't even look at me." Meredith commented.

Arizona sighed and put her empty bottle back on the bar. "I don't want  
to fight with you."

"Then answer me then. Stop hiding things from me." Meredith said almost  
desperately.

Arizona shook her head. "There are things I can't tell you Mer, there  
are things mom didn't want you to know."

"Well she's not here anymore." Meredith said loudly.

Few people stopped and looked at her.

Arizona's face was pleading with her to settle. "Ask me something  
easier." She said softly.

"Fine" Meredith sighed as she stood to grab her coat. "What did you do  
that was so bad that mom called me home and you changed your number?"

Arizona ran a hand over her face. "Mom didn't like my girlfriend." She  
replied.

Meredith stopped to look at her sister carefully. "You're gay?" she asked  
in shock, her voice almost a whisper.

"I'm gay." Arizona sighed.

Meredith looked at her sister and considered what she had just revealed.  
"Just because mom was a bitch doesn't mean you had to cut me off. We  
might not have been close ari, but u were all that I had." She told her  
before she grabbed her bag and began to walk away, not giving her sister  
another thought as she headed home to a place where she knew there was  
someone who would be there for her.


	12. Chapter 12

She had expected him to be home by now, and with his absence she didn't  
know what to do. She curled up on the couch with a pizza in front of  
her. She figured that if he wasn't here she may as well wait up for him  
with the pizza keeping her company.

.......................PICTURES......................

Arizona caught a cab home. She had contemplated going back to work and  
getting her skateboard, or even just spending the night in the on-call  
room. However, she was exhausted, especially after meeting with  
Meredith. She knew that now that her mother was dead that there would be  
no need to keep the secret, and maybe, just maybe her sister could find  
a place where she fit, a place where she felt complete.

Walking from the cab to the building was quick, as she didn't know the  
neighbourhood well enough to walk leisurely to her destination.

Moving through the building she nodded quietly to her doorman before  
entering the elevator.

She hated that she was coming home to an empty building, or well an  
empty flat. She had broken up with her girlfriend so she could cross the  
country unattached.

It had been one of the hardest decisions to have made, especially when  
it came to their relationship.

They had been together for 2 years now, and while she seemed nice, and  
things had gone well, she found that it was slowly becoming an uphill  
battle. They would disagree on what pizza to order, about why her  
surgeries would go later than others and most of all, about meeting her  
sister.

Arizona had tried hard to explain to her why she couldn't meet Meredith  
and every excuse seemed to have fallen on deaf ears as she couldn't  
really explain why Meredith wasn't in her life anymore.

Now as she entered her flat all she could contemplate was what would  
happen if she told Meredith the truth, if she revealed her mother's big  
dirty secret, and yet she knew that the affect it could have on her  
sisters world could be monstrous.

The decision was a big one, and it was one that she knew could not be  
made lightly so she thought carefully about the possible repercussions  
and not just for Meredith but for everyone else involved.

"To tell or not to tell" she said out loud. She could only wish that  
there was someone who could give her an answer.

...............PICTURES.......................

Meredith awoke to see Derek looking down on her. His arms had been  
tightly wrapped around her throughout the night.  
It had be different when he came home last night. With the things  
rolling around in her head that she had been think and hearing, and yet  
he had come home and launched into what had been bothering him.

It had been a short talk with Derek telling her how his father had died,  
followed by Meredith then explaining why she was home so early, and what  
her sister had told her.

Even now, the thought of what she had been told had whirled through her  
head. "Ask me an easier question." Had been the instruction from  
Arizona, and all she knew was that she needed to work out simple  
questions to get the answers she wanted.

Smiling up at Derek as he moved to drop a kiss on her lips, she brought  
a hand up from under the covers to run it through his hair.

When he pulled away he smiled down at her before telling her that he  
didn't really want to go to work today.

"Cocoon." was just one of the few words Meredith replied with before his  
magic words were whispered.

"Quickie."

It would be enough for them to both forget last night, and to possibly  
stop her head from whirling.

In seizing the opportunity both knew that not only would a screaming  
orgasm give them an explosive start to the day, but also it would be the  
ultimate release that both of them would need

..................PICTURES.......................

She had been paged in the middle of the night by Bailey, a doctor who  
was frantic for a solution and hating that she was feeling helpless. So  
instead of driving back home, she had spent the night in the on call  
room.

Now as she stumbles out of the bed she catches sight of the girl with  
the raven hair. She takes in her features and the beautiful Latina skin.  
She knew she shouldn't be looking at someone already especially after  
coming out of a 2 year relationship.

Moving to put her jacket on, she made a mental note to see what she  
could find out about this unknown doctor. Before quickly checking the  
time. She had to get to her patient before bailey freaked out and paged  
her. It was weird to be so dedicated to one patient however she  
understood that this was dire case and it was something that was  
becoming personal to several people in the hospital.

Opening the door, she moved quickly not wanting to let all the noise in to  
wake the other people.

What she didn't know though, was that the Latino Doctor with the raven  
hair was watching her, as she had woken to the noise that Arizona had  
made just in waking up.

Moving down the hall with a small skip in her step, she was definitely  
feeling a lot better than she had been the night before


	13. Chapter 13

Meredith had scrubbed in alongside Derek, Owen and Christina. It had  
been a quiet surgery for most parts, which was of course before the  
slinging match had started.

Derek had looked oddly across the table at Owen, who quickly had  
returned the look. Neither of them knew what to do with their resident.  
They just knew that the girls were still fighting and it was getting  
nastier with every day that passed.

Meredith had had the cleaning freak out earlier in the morning,  
especially when she had remembered that Derek's mother was coming today. He knew that she didn't need any of  
this, and that behaviour happening in the OR was definitely not  
appropriate, however he did love Meredith's comment about surgery coming  
naturally to her as he knew that there was a lot she couldn't do without  
referring to her text book. After all she was the one that pioneered his  
groundbreaking trial, even if he did take all the credit for it.

Now as he ushers her out into the hall he wraps his arms around her and  
promises that he will come find her after his mother arrives.

He had laughed when she had put the pink scrunch in her pocket earlier  
in the day, and even more so when he noticed that she had slipped makeup  
into her work bag. He had no idea what she was expecting from the  
meeting, but it was all very entertaining.

"How long do I have?" Meredith asks nervously.

"Well she is supposed to be here in a few hours. I've organised someone  
to pick her up so it should all be fine." He told her. "In the mean time  
monitor the patient but don't get too close to him." He warned.

Meredith nodded before feeling his lips press softly against hers.

"Love you." He murmured before quickly taking off, leaving her to dwell  
on what was to come.

............pitcures..................

Arizona had spent a few hours now listening to an emotional doctor  
bailey grasp at straws and continue to call unos begging for them to  
hurry up and find a donor.

It was becoming hard for her, and she knew what it was like when you  
first entered the world of peds and you have a patient in such a  
position. It was truly becoming hard for her to sit back and watch a  
fellow doctor go through the transition.

Now as she made her way into the doctor's lounge all she could think  
about was escaping for a moment and finding peace.

She had seen Meredith again earlier, had passed her in the halls and the  
look on Meredith's face had been enough to send her questioning. She had  
known for a while now that she shouldn't have cut Meredith from her  
life, but that was what her mother wanted having stated that "being a  
lesbian was not a dignified way to live life and that she needed to stay  
away from Meredith because she didn't need her getting ideas in her  
head, especially as she always did things to go against her and piss her  
off."

Grabbing some chips and a drink from the vending machine in the corner,  
she didn't notice anyone in the room until she heard the cursing. It  
wasn't until she had made herself comfortable on the couch that she  
recognised the voice that her interest peaked.

"Stupid brain man and his damn mother. I don't do mothers and I  
certainly don't do families. Neither of the damn things like me." She  
heard Meredith mumble and she moved to peer into the open door which led  
to a staff bathroom. There in front of the mirror stood Meredith. Her  
hair was in a high pony tail held up by a pink scrunchie.

Arizona watched as she fumbled around with makeup and she couldn't help  
but giggle in knowing that Mer never really wore a lot.

"Damn it" she cursed, and Arizona took that as her cue to intervene.

"Can I help?" she called out, and watched as Meredith's hand slipped in  
shock, smudging eyeliner down her face.

"Fuck" Meredith cursed, and turned to see Arizona sitting on the couch  
watching her.

"I'm fine" she grumbled as she reached for some more toilet paper which  
she then made moist before rubbing it along her face.

Arizona couldn't help but giggle again. "After all these years and you  
still don't know how to use all of this makeup." She said as she pushed  
off of the couch and headed over to her.

"I like looking natural." She murmured in reply.

Arizona nodded and bit her lip as she then took the paper towel from  
Meredith and began cleaning her face.

Meredith sighed and dropped her hands down to her sides.

"So it sounds like you are meeting the brain man's mother" Arizona  
guessed, "or well that's what your rambling said.

Meredith rolled her eyes.

"So who is this guy?" Arizona asked

"Derek shepherd." Meredith mumbled.

Arizona studied her sister closely. "And you are serious about him?" she  
pried.

Meredith looked at her sister carefully. "By serious do you mean talking  
about forever and living together."

Arizona nodded.

"Well then yeah we are serious." Meredith replied. There was a hint of  
something in her voice, but Arizona didn't ask any more questions.

She moved to put down the paper before reaching for Meredith's eyeliner.  
"You don't need this." She told her, and then grabbed her mascara "or  
this."

Meredith looked at her in shock, not saying anything.

"You look better natural Mer, you would be better off with a touch of  
eye shadow, a little blush, and that's pretty much it." She told her  
honestly.

Meredith couldn't help but let out a groan.

"Let me be the big sister and do this." Arizona said, and Meredith could  
see that she needed to let her sister do this.

Meredith gave a quick nod before trying to relax and let her sister do  
her makeup.

Arizona beamed, thanking whatever god had helped her with the small  
break through.

"So how has work been?" Meredith asked not able to stand the silence.

Arizona smiled at the small attempt from her sister. "Well I am working  
with Dr Bailey who is kind of a force to be reckoned with, but its okay.  
We are just waiting at the moment for our little boy to get a liver."  
She answered

Meredith nodded. "She was my resident. She's good at what she does  
ari."

Arizona considered the words, and was surprised to find Meredith a touch  
defensive.

"She's gotten attached to this kid. I really hope we get him a liver in  
time." Ari murmured and Meredith nodded in understanding.

"Now hold still." Arizona ordered.

Meredith sighed as she let her sister continue doing her makeup.

"Ari" Meredith murmured.

Arizona still looked at her sister intently, but nodded her head to  
show that she was listening.

"Why have you kept secrets from me?" she asked.

Arizona closed her eyes and shook her head, pausing from helping her  
sisters make up.

"There are things that I know that I didn't want to know." Arizona told  
her quietly. "Things about you."

Meredith stared at her sister, not believing that she was actually being  
honest.

"There are things that you should probably know Mer, but these things  
are going to rip away everything you thought you knew and I just don't  
know whether I can do that." She said honestly.

Meredith nodded and bit her lip as her sister finished off her makeup.

"When you decide that you can tell me, look me up. My mobile number  
never changed." Meredith said quietly.

Arizona nodded her head.

Meredith turned to pack up her makeup and Arizona watched her briefly,  
before beginning to move back to the couch.

When Meredith was done packing the makeup she turned and went to leave.  
"Mer" Arizona called after her.

Meredith stopped and turned to look at her sister.

"You should be yourself around his mother. Don't try to be someone you're  
not. Mothers see through that kind of thing. Believe me, I know." She  
murmured, and Meredith nodded before walking away, pausing for just  
enough time to rip the pink pony tail from her hair.

..........................pictures.................

Derek had been surprised when Meredith rocked up in very little make up,  
to stand beside him as he waited for his mother to arrive.

He could see that she was nervous and almost freaked.

"You have makeup on." He said with a small smile as he leaned in to kiss  
her.

"Ari helped." Meredith murmured as she rested her head on his shoulder.

Derek smiled softly. "So you guys have talked again?" he asked. He  
couldn't help but hope that whatever it was keeping them apart would  
soon disappear.

Meredith nodded as she let out a sigh.

"And?" he asked.

Reaching to take hold of his hand she threaded their fingers together.  
"And she's debating whether she can truly tell me what's going on." She  
replied.

Derek gave her hand a squeeze. "I'm sure she will..."

"Derek" a female voice cut through and Derek turned slightly to see his  
mom.

"Hey I had someone waiting at the airport for you." He exclaimed as he  
smiled at his mother, quickly dropping what he had been saying to  
Meredith.

Meredith felt Derek pull away as he moved to embrace his mother.

She smiled softly as she watched them both reunite. She wondered what it  
must have felt like to have ever had a good relationship with your  
mother.

"Mom" she heard Derek say, "this is Meredith grey, my girlfriend, Mer,  
this it Caroline shepherd."

Caroline smiled at the young girl who had been caught up thought only  
moments before.

"Hi" Meredith said as she tried to give his mother a happy smile. "Its  
nice to meet you."

Caroline watched the girl closely before giving a stiff nod, "likewise"  
she murmured.

Derek could feel his eyes running over Meredith and could only wonder  
what she could possibly be thinking about.

"Lunch" he finally said as he reached for Meredith's hand and then his  
mothers before walking leading them to the cafeteria.

...................pictures.........................

Lunch had been awkward and Meredith had been terrible at making small  
talk. It was exactly her thing and it had shown. She had felt  
uncomfortable sitting across from his mother, especially when there was  
already so much going on inside of her head. But she tried, and that was  
one thing she knew for sure and that was that Derek couldn't say that  
she hadn't tried.

Now as she listened to her serial killer, knowing that he was a match  
for Baileys "liver boy" she couldn't help but offer him some form of  
retribution. She knew that people sometimes felt sorry for what they had  
done, and even though he didn't, she could only hope that he could take  
the out.

He had nodded, seemingly like he would prefer this out over the  
execution he had scheduled.

He smiled falsely, and Meredith turned and walked away, she had no doubt  
she did the right thing. She could see him considering an out, but knew  
that it would take a lot for him to do what he required. After all, she  
was always sure that it was easier to inflict pain on someone else over  
yourself.

Walking out to the nurse's desk she knew that for most parts of the  
evening she would be the girl ignoring her pager and going against  
everything that was considered ethical.

However, in understanding all that, she knew that Christina would be the  
one who would run to answer the page and put an end to it.

In a way she knew she was doing this to help out her mentor, Bailey, but  
in others she knew that it was to help her sister with her first case in  
the hospital. She knew that it wasn't much on some scale, but on others  
she was sure that the scales would have tipped.

"Meredith" she heard his mother say, and she quickly looked up from her  
chart.

Meredith panicked, she had no idea what she was supposed to say to her,  
and so she went with instinct. "I'm not that girl you know, the one parents  
want for their sons. The bright and happy people. I'm a little dark and  
twisty, shit I've meant nothing to anyone for most of my life. But I am  
the kind of person who can show compassion to a serial killer. I'm not  
what most mothers want for their son, but I do love Derek." She told  
her.

She had no idea what made her say what she did, but she stood there in  
shock after she had said it.

She caught a glimpse of Ari out the corner of her eye but didn't commit  
to looking at her. She knew she would have been hurt by part of what she  
had said.

Caroline Shepherd simply nodded before turning and walking away, a once  
she was far enough away Meredith let out a sigh. His mother would hate  
her and she would drive a wedge between them. She wouldn't even get to  
meet the rest of his family.

Putting her head on the counter at the nurses desk she head butted it  
several times just to remind her how stupid she was before she heard  
another voice behind her.

"Thank god you took out that stupid pony... pinks not your colour." The  
voice said and Meredith turned to see Christina yang turned away and  
walking down towards the surgical board.


	14. Chapter 14

Meredith had curled up on the bed in the basement reading over her study  
notes. Since the success of the trial her interest in neuro has grown,  
but she has found she has a liking for the diagnostic side, or more  
treating the inoperable.

She had been ignoring her pager right up until bailey was standing at  
the edge of the bed.

"You have a patient that has belted his head against a wall repeatedly  
and you are ignoring your pages." She said almost sternly.

"I have a patient who in 4 days is going to get executed and at the  
moment his organs are viable and his liver is a match for your kid."  
Meredith replied.

She tried not to look up as she heard bailey gasp.

"Did you tell your patient how to kill himself?" she asked

Meredith looked up at her. "No, that would be completely un ethical I  
just simply told him the dangers that he faces after brain surgery." She  
replied.

Bailey went to say more when Derek came running up to her. "What the  
hell are you doing?" he asked. "They called me at home because you  
aren't answering your page.'

Meredith sighed. Now that was something she hadn't expected to happen.

"So much for retribution" she murmured as she sat up and piled her  
things together.

"Retribution?" Derek asked and bailey eyes widened in interest.

Meredith nodded before moving off of the bed. "I guess you want me to  
undo what I did?" she asked

Derek shook his head he couldn't believe what she was saying.

"Move it." He said as he ushered her down the hallway away from Bailey.

Meredith groaned, leaving her paper work behind.

Bailey watched her go and could remember the conversation she had overheard between Derek and his mother. "You see everything in black and  
white, while she sees the shade of grey."

Shaking her head, she then moved to quickly peak at what Meredith had  
been reading and her eyes widened in surprise. "Well I'll be." She said  
as she studied for a moment before putting the papers back down. "That  
girl is going to be a force to be reckoned with."

..............pictures...............

After the broken plea from bailey, and word getting back to Arizona  
about what Meredith had done, she knew that there was more heart in this  
hospital then she first was worried about.

She had heard bits and pieces about that among other things over the  
day. She had seen dr bailey so close to a break down and she had been  
amazed as she had heard people refer to her as domineering and  
everything in between.

She had been relieved that they had found a liver, even more so when  
their little boy had come back around.

She had watched his mother cling to his side and fight not to lose hope,  
and in some weird twisted way it had reminded her of Meredith and the  
way she used to hope that she could fix the things in her life that she  
didn't like.

She knew that she had only spent a night really thinking about whether  
she was going to tell Meredith the secret she had been holding back, but  
now she knew that she needed to, because maybe this secret could turn  
Meredith's life around For the better and maybe just maybe, things could look up for them too.  
She really wanted her baby sister back, and she hated that this had been  
between them for so long.

Having now decided this she moved off again, away from her patient's  
bedside, to go home and plan how exactly she was going to tell her the  
biggest secret of her life.

...............................pictures ......................................

"My mother loved you." Derek had murmured as he had leaned into kiss  
her. It had been weird and definitely random. She hadn't expected those  
words to ever fall from his mouth.

Meredith pulled back and looked at him skeptically.

"Its true." Derek murmured as he leaned in and kissed her again. "She  
thinks you even me out, that you are good for me."

Meredith nodded and didn't really say anything more, while Derek smiled  
even wider with the knowledge of what was in his coat pocket.

"She wants you to come to New York with me." He added, knowing that the  
topic could spark a very interesting conversation.

Meredith sighed and leant into him. She was too exhausted to be having  
this conversation, especially after having everything happen today. She  
was pretty sure she just needed to sleep now.

Derek wrapped his arms around her tightly. "So what do you think?" he  
asked.

Meredith ran her hands down his back before tiredly looking up at him.  
"I think we should sleep." She told him, and before he had a chance to  
pull away she quickly added. "We can talk about this in the morning when  
my head is able to function."

Derek nodded in understanding, he was tired too, but feeling better than  
what he had been over the past couple of days.

"Ok" he said quietly as he tilted her head up to his. He then dipped his  
head to give her a kiss.

Leading her up to the bedroom, he watched as she seemed to drag, and he  
could tell that she had a few things were on her mind, but he knew he  
couldn't push her to talk, and she was far too tired to.

Watching as she stripped down and slid into bed, he quickly followed  
knowing that the only thing he could really do for her right now was to  
hold her.


	15. Chapter 15

Richard looked in through the nursery window. It had been a few days  
since Arizona had arrived, and since then things had been quiet. He had  
watched as the two sisters kept bumping into each other, and yet he knew  
that there was something overshadowing their relationship which made him  
think that Arizona knew things about Meredith that he hadn't expected.

He watched as the baby girl that was in the capsule in the front row  
moved her feet around. She looked like she was going to be an active  
baby, much like Meredith was.

He couldn't decide whether it was a good thing that arizona knew what he  
thought she knew, and that left his head spinning a little more. He had  
been so use to not knowing that if he had a chance to know, he wasn't  
sure whether he would take it.

Running a hand through his very short hair, he turned to look away from  
the babies. There was something bubbling up inside of him and he didn't  
exactly know what he should be doing about it, after all, so much has  
happened over the years, and things got all murky when it came to  
Ellis.

He wondered if Arizona would spill the secret and if yes, he couldn't  
imagine merediths reaction to the facts, and could only hope that things  
sorted themselves out in a favour that was much appreciated by  
everyone.

"It's time I guess." He said to himself softly, knowing that there was  
no one around to hear him, and yet still scared of his thoughts

......................pictures......................

Arizona had been surprised by the ease she was feeling today. She hadn't  
expected it and yet she knew that this was going to be a big relief. To  
finally tell Meredith something she had known now for 25 years would be  
a big relief.

Moving through the hospital foyer, she could only think about how  
Meredith would take the news. She only hoped that this didn't break her  
because that is what her mother had originally feared. That if she  
finally cracked and told Meredith the truth then Meredith would crack  
and break.

Of course Ari suspected that Meredith was a lot stronger than her mother  
had always thought, and was thinking that maybe she could find some  
peace within the news, or herself.

As she moved down the hall she heard the whispers about Meredith, that  
she had gone to her serial killers execution the night before and she  
could only hope that Meredith wasn't warped by that. She had no idea  
what had made her go through that, or subject herself to such an ordeal  
but she knew that Meredith would take it and internalise it. Really she  
would be surprised to see how Meredith was standing today.

Spying her at the counter talking to the Asian doctor, who she had heard  
about from one of the nurses. She started to make her way towards. She  
could see her sister laughing softly as she handed a brown book over  
that looked rather old.

"Read this for me." She had told her and the other doctor nodded.

"Sister at 2 o'clock." The doctor said as she then turned and walked  
away.

"Thanks Chris." Meredith said before turning to face her.

Arizona smiled softly as she approached her sister warily. "I'm ready to  
talk." She finally told her when she reached her.

She watched as Meredith's eyes widened at the suggestion. "Here now?" she  
replied and Arizona shook her head.

"Dinner tonight." Arizona replied as she leaned against the counter.

Meredith sighed and looked at her intently.

"Are you sure" she finally asked.

"I want my sister back Merry berry, so yes I'm sure." Arizona replied as  
she leaned forward and pushed Meredith's hair back off of her face.

Meredith smiled softly at her sister. "Ok then and I can tell you all  
about Callie. She's the doctor you keep making goo goo eyes at."  
Meredith told her as she slid her chart back in the collection.

"Right." She replied as she blushed slightly. "So dinner at billy's."  
She said as she remembered the name of the little old restaurant their  
mom had taken them too once.

"Seems fitting." Meredith murmured before smiling awkwardly at her  
sister and walking away.

................................pictures.....................................

Derek had been sitting eating lunch with Meredith, which was a rarity  
when she had been assigned to Callie's service, but she had been told to  
take a break, and it just seemed to match his.

He had watched her all of lunch. It wasn't half obvious that she wanted  
to tell him something but he had no idea what.

He kept quiet for a moment longer before finally stating for her to just  
spit it out.

Meredith smiled slightly before quickly saying. "Ari is telling me the  
secret tonight."

Derek was shocked at this announcement, but nodded his head as if it was  
all the same.

"And I want to know and I can't believe she's going to tell me but I  
have no idea what it." She rambled.

"Well that tends to happen with secrets." Derek murmured causing  
Meredith to roll her eyes at him

"It would be better if I had some sort of an idea." She murmured as she  
looked down at her food "but I really don't have a clue.

"Look Mer" Derek said as his pager sounded. "You will probably find it  
is something small that's been completely blown out of proportion."

Meredith looked up at him and chewed her lip. "But I have a feeling it's  
not."

Derek sighed as he moved around to her side of the table. "I have to  
take this." He told her before leaning down to give her a kiss. "If I  
don't see you before then I will see you at home." He told her before  
kissing her on the top of her head.

Meredith sighed as she watched him walk away, she didn't know how to  
explain that her life was going to change, she was sure of it.


	16. Chapter 16

Arizona sat at one of the back tables of billy's restaurants. She had a  
menu in front of her as she waited for her little sister to arrive. She  
knew that Meredith had been caught up in something when she had left the  
hospital, and could only hope that it wouldn't take her too much longer  
because she was slowly losing her nerve.

Checking her watch for the 10th time, she didn't see her sister  
stumble in, or the look of relief that had washed over her face when she  
had realised that she was still here.

Meredith flopped down into the seat across from her and snatched the  
menu away from Arizona. "We're eating first." Meredith told her as she  
began to scan the food.

"Nice" Arizona giggled, her mood lightening a little. "I was hoping that  
much."

Meredith didn't say much as she found something to eat and handed the  
menu back to her sister.

Arizona looked the chart over before deciding on something to eat. She  
then closed the menu and placed it on the corner of the table. She knew  
that the waitress would be over shortly to take their orders and could  
only hope that the meals tasted just as good as she remembered them.

"So Torres?" Meredith asked casually. She wanted to start the  
conversation off with a casual focus on Arizona.

"What about her?" Arizona asked as she looked at her sister curiously.

"You like her" Meredith stated.

"She's hot, but I think she's only one of the few options that I have at  
the hospital." Arizona replied with a smile. "I like to keep an open  
playing field."

Meredith giggled at her sister's choice of words. "Why Torres?" Meredith  
asked.

"She's a hot Latino, need I say more?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "She was married to one of my friends until he  
cheated on her. It was kind of cruel and caused a major rift between my  
group, plus she lives with my person."

Arizona looked at her with interest. "Your person?"

Meredith nodded "the one I call when I need help burying someone."

Arizona shook her head. "So what r u? Bi?"

Meredith looked at her in complete and utter shock, "gosh no, she's my  
friend, my sister."

Arizona shied away when she heard her sister refer to her friend like  
that.

"She was all I had when things became too much." Meredith added.

Arizona nodded, and then looked up as the waitress came over to take  
their orders.

She quickly spouted off what she wanted and had giggled when she found  
that Meredith ordered the same thing.

"So Torres" Arizona said knowing that she should find out everything she  
could before spilling her secret and possibly losing her sister  
forever.

....................pictures.................

"She never knew for sure who your father was." Arizona said nervously.  
"That's what I meant by Thatcher may not be your dad."

Meredith's face twisted in confusion. "But I'm a grey. If thatchers not my  
father than who is."

Arizona sighed. She could see that her sister was struggling, the news  
being more than Meredith probably anticipated.

"When you were conceived, mom was sleeping with two men. She was  
sleeping with her husband who was Thatcher grey, but she had also  
started an affair with a resident. Richard Webber." Arizona told her.  
"Mom refused to find out who was your father. She couldn't be certain  
who it was. But she didn't want to know. It was either hurt the new love  
of her life, or hurt the man that had been her life line for a few  
years." Arizona stated.

"So what, she just palmed me off as thatchers?" she asked frustrated,  
tears welling in her eyes.

"No" Arizona sighed.

"But she called me grey." Meredith protested as she stood, not wanting  
for this to continue in the diner.

"Mer sit down" Arizona said warily, she knew that few people were  
looking at them in interest.

Meredith wanted to run, and do all the things that she used to do when  
she would talk to before she had seen dr wyatt, but she knew that she  
couldn't run from this. She sat down quietly, before swiping the tears  
from her eyes.

"Mom didn't know who your dad was, but she wanted to save face, so she  
gave you the surname that she was using. It was logical mer." Arizona  
told her. "She never wanted you to know the truth, she was ashamed, and  
yet, it could have saved her so much pain."

Meredith eyed her nervously, not sure what to say, but happy to let her  
to continue.

"Richard didn't go with her when she left Thatcher because he wanted to  
know whether you were his daughter or not, and well Thatcher, he didn't  
fight for you because he didn't know. Merry berry, it's such a hard  
position to be in." Arizona told her.

Meredith closed her eyes trying to figure this all out.

"So mom not wanting to hurt either of them, not only left her lonely,  
but left me without a dad."

"Yes" Arizona sighed.

"So lexie might not be my sister." Meredith stated.

This was slowly becoming all too much for her.

"I'm sorry mer." Arizona said quietly.

How do you know all this?" Meredith asked almost scared of her answer.

"I was 9 when mom left Thatcher, I heard the arguing." Arizona  
reluctantly answered, and then a few years later, when I was working on  
a family tree for junior high, she told me, she said that I had to leave  
your daddy branch off because she didn't know who he was."

Meredith could see the honesty pouring from her sister as she too  
battled to tell the truth.

Meredith stood, not really looking at her sister.

"Merry?" Arizona said, her voice was laced with concern.

"I just need some time." Meredith murmured before leaving a few bills on  
the table before she put on her coat and walked out, leaving Arizona  
scared of what might come.


	17. Chapter 17

Meredith didn't know what to do or where to go so she just drove and  
drove. It seemed to make sense, everything seemed to come together in  
her mind, much like Arizona had said. She knew she had a special  
connection with the Chief, but could it possibly be more than what she  
thought and Thatcher...

Thatcher grey had seemed to cause more pain in her life than anything  
else. She surely didn't feel any love for the man she had believed to be  
her father. She had no idea how anyone could treat someone as badly as  
the way he had treated her, especially when it was possible that he  
wasn't her father, or maybe the possibility he wasn't had driven him to  
such things.

None the less, Meredith soon found herself parked out the front of Joes.  
She was fighting temptation to go inside and to drink herself into  
oblivion, but she knew she wasn't that girl anymore. She wasn't the girl  
to get drunk and pick up inappropriate men, she was the girl that would  
turn to her boyfriend rather than drink her sorrows away. The only  
problem was she didn't know how to tell Derek what she had just been  
told.

How do you explain to the man that you love that you don't have a  
father, or more so that you do but you're not exactly sure.

She had no idea how she was supposed to approach this. She could  
remember attacking Richard one emotional day for not picking her mother,  
and yet now she knew it was all her mother's fault. If only her mother  
had taken a paternity test...

Slamming her hands against the steering wheel she couldn't help but let  
out her frustration as she cried. Everything she knew was gone, what she  
thought of new was stupid.

Hearing a tap on the glass of her windscreen she wiped the tears from  
her eyes before turning to see Derek standing there.

Not able to fight the emotions within her, or utter a single word, she  
cried helplessly as Derek opened the door and pulled her into his arms.

"Oh Mer what wrong?" Derek asked as he held her close. It was the second  
time this week that he had seen her looking completely broken and he  
wasn't sure what to do.

"D...dad" Meredith gasped causing Derek to pull back.

"What Mer?" he asked as he ran a hand over the side of her face and  
pushed her hair back out of her eyes.

"My dad" she told him.

"What about Thatcher?" Derek asked as he wiped a few tears from her  
eyes.

"Not... not my dad... thinks" she said as he pulled her hard up against  
him once more.

Derek was confused, but not sure what to do with Meredith or what she  
was going on about.

"Did Arizona tell you this?" he asked and he felt her nod her head.

"I need you to take a few deep breaths and calm down so you can tell me  
Mer, I need you to tell me what she said." He told her. He knew that  
this must has been something big, and when he had received a call from  
Mark saying that Meredith's car was pulled up out the front of Joes he  
knew he couldn't not go to her.

"She... she... she said my mom... she... she didn't know who my dad..who my dad was." Meredith said as she tried to calm herself. "That... that  
she... she didn't want to know... but could be... could be Thatcher...  
and ... and could be Richard..."

Derek was too shocked, he had no idea what she must be going through.  
That was definitely an overload of information.

"Let me get you home." He said as he encouraged her out of the driver's  
seat and into the passengers."I...I can't let you drive like this." He  
murmured, taking the keys off of her before moving back to the driver's  
seat, and starting the car.

..................pictures.................


	18. Chapter 18

There is much to be said about the morning after a life altering  
discussion, Meredith had ended up having two of those. It had of course  
started with Arizona telling her their mother's ultimate secret, followed  
by Derek's soothing voice guiding her through her choices.

Her mind was still full of the choices she had been offered, and yet she  
was pretty sure that things no longer made sense. That the thought that  
her Chief of Surgery could very well be her father, and that the girl  
living up in the attic, not really her sister. That would be another  
hurdle she had to jump.

As she now stood looking out over Seattle from the catwalk she knew that  
Arizona was watching her from one end, needing to make sure she was ok,  
and was she? Well that would be a negative.

She also knew that on the other side of the catwalk stood the chiefs  
office, which currently contained the chief doing paper work. How did  
she know? Because she had already checked.

She had taken the 5th option that Derek had offered her, and that was to  
face both possible daddies and see if she could run a paternity test. Of  
course she didn't really want to see Thatcher, so she figured she could  
ask Richard first. However, now she was stuck with how exactly she was  
going to ask him. Of course it would then lead to further discussions  
such as why he definitely didn't choose her mother, and why he didn't  
fight, knowing that there was a possibility that she was his. She  
wondered whether a "hey chief, heard you might be my daddy, can we spill  
a little blood and check?" would be suffice, but she highly doubted  
that.

She knew that there wasn't exactly a perfect way to approach this topic  
with him, but she knew that now that it was a possibility, and the truth  
had been revealed to her, that she wouldn't be able to continue on with  
her life until she knew the answer. The answer to what were now the most  
important questions in her life. Who was her daddy?

She could feel Arizona begin to approach her, and not wanting to discuss  
this with her further, she pushed off from the rail and began moving  
further away from her, towards Richards's office. She didn't bother to  
knock, she had been able to see that he wasn't with anyone, so she  
pushed the door open and stepped in. She didn't even bother closing the  
door, knowing that the only person nearby was her sister, who was just  
crossing the end of the catwalk.

"Meredith" Richard said as he looked up, shocked by the intrusion.

Meredith's eyes saddened, yet her determination did not waver. "Richard"  
she said softly, "are you my daddy?"

.......................pictures....................

Richard didn't move, and he didn't know what to say. Here was the young  
girl who he had looked down upon as his daughter, because the  
possibility that she was, was rather high.

His eyes softened as he watched his silence break her heart. "I... I...  
ah don't know." Richard said honestly. "You're... mother... well she  
wouldn't let me find out."

Meredith felt Arizona standing behind her as she moved further into the  
room. Arizona moving quickly to take her hand and offer her some  
support.

"Do... do you want to find out now?" Meredith asked, scared that he  
would say no, that he didn't care if her was her father or not.

"Are... are you sure you want to do this?" he asked her carefully.

"The charades gone on long enough Chief." Arizona said as she made her  
presence felt. "You.. You both deserve to know."

Richard nodded before moving to stand, and walking towards Meredith.  
"Before we do." Richard said as his eyes continued to soften as he  
neared her. "I just... I want you to know that.. That there was never a  
day that went by that I didn't wonder whether you were mine, or think  
about what you are doing."

Meredith let a tear escape her, as her eyes on Richard wavered.  
"Thank... thank you." She said softly. "I... I guess."

Richard brought a hand up to cup her cheek. "You... you should also know  
that it took a lot to keep me quiet." He told her.

Meredith nodded, unsure of what he had meant, but certain it was  
something to do with her mother. She just didn't know what.


	19. Chapter 19

Meredith hated needled, and according to Richard so did he. Of course, she wanted to avoid this, hoping that she already had a blood sample on file, but alas, it seemed that it had been disposed of a long time ago. So now Meredith went off in search of Derek hoping that he could do the deed and at least keep her distracted at the same time.

She could remember his gentle touch from the last time, and how simply looking into his pool blue eyes was enough to kep er attention on him and not on the needle that was going into her arm.

She had noticed how tense Richard had seemed, she had watched as he cleared his schedule, not too sure what his plans were for the rest of the day considering that he was just getting blood taken.

Meredith thought about spending some time with hm, she was pretty sure he would give her the rest of the day off. She didnt want to ignore him while they waited for their results.

Pulling out her pager, she entered an exam room, closing the door and the curtains. She paged Derek to the room, hoping that he wouldnt be too far away.

...................pictures..............

Richard sat nervously, looking at the needle n Arizona's hand.

"It's worth it." Arizona said with a grin as she cleaned the area that she was going to insert the needle.

"What if i'm not her father?" Richard asked as she moved the needle closer to him.

"Well at least you know." Arizon sghed, "or more importantly Mer knows. I mean, we are all hoping that its you. Last time I saw thatcher was when i was doing a consult on his grand daughter Laura. He's fairly agressive, and a drunk, and most of the time a blubbering mess."

Ricahrd nods as Arizona inserts the needle. "God I hope i'm her father."

"Me too" Arizona sighs as she withdraws the blood.

Richard closes his eyes and outs to 10 knowing that its the only way to manage the pain.

............pictures............

Derek had been surprised when meredith had rocked up asking for him to  
draw some blood. There was no other way to describe it.

He was nervous as he took the sample, his hands shaking slightly as he  
prepared to insert the needle.

"Der" meredith had said softly, almost in disbelief of how jittery he  
was.

"Are you sure you are ready to do this?" he asked as he set the needle  
to the side. "You've only just found out, don't you want time to process  
this?"

Meredith took a deep breath and considered what he was saying.

"I need to know." She told him. "For the past 30 years I have been lied  
to. I just. I want to know the truth." She said quietly.

Derek looked at her, taking in the lip biting and the head tilting, but  
what had caught him the most was the look in her eyes.

"And what if Richard isn't your father?" derek asked her, knowing that  
she really wanted him to be. Although he knew that if he was, it would  
open up a whole new segment of questions and decisions.

"What if he is?" meredith reciprocated.

Derek had no idea what else to say so he simply nodded.

Moving to stand comfortably between her legs he picked up the needle.

She smiled at him softly, and she knew that he couldn't really grasp  
what the situation could bring.

Their eyes held each others as Derek moved to insert the needle and  
began to draw the sample.

Meredith hadn't even flinched, lost completely in her lovers eyes.

"All done" he finally murmured as he withdrew the needle and placed a  
small cotton bud over the whole in her arm.

Meredith held the bud in place as derek cleaned up and wrote on the  
sample.

"He wanted me" she said quietly as she reached for his hand, she knew  
that he needed to understand, and on some level she knew he would.

"All of this time he has wanted me, and it was my mom, it was her that  
told him know." She explained. "If you knew that there was a kid out  
their that belonged to you, wouldn't you want it?" she asked.

Derek considered what she was saying, and knew deep within him she was  
right. If there was a chance that he had a child somewhere he would want  
to know.

"Yeah, yeah I would." He replied.

"We richards been waiting this long der, he has a right to know if I'm  
his daughter." She told him.

"And you have a right to know whether he's your father." He said with a  
sigh, "it's just... I'm just..."

"Your worrying" meredith told him as she pulled him closer to her. "And  
I love it, I do, but we both have a right to know." She told him as she  
pulled his head down to hers, kissing him softly, her tongue gently  
caressing his.

"I love you Mer." Derek said as he pulled away.

"Love you too." She replied as she rested her head against him "more  
than you'll ever know." She mumbled, not wanting to reveal the depth of  
her love for him, and yet knowing that it was just loud enough for him  
to here.

................pictures................

Arizona took both samples down to the lab and handed them over. "Keep  
this under wraps." She told them. "If this gets out, I'll have your  
head." She promised.

The lab tech nodded before briefly looking down at the file. "This  
could take a couple days" he told her.

"Just get it done." She said as she forced a smile before walking away,  
catching sight of Callie Torres as she made her way to the lab.

Arizona smiled slightly, her eyes meeting Callie's before she made her  
way back up to her ward, making plans in her mind about Callie Torres  
and what they could do, and how she could approach this.

..........................pictures...........................................

Richard hadn't sort Meredith out after the tests. Well not straight away  
anyway. That was because he was too busy thinking about explaining the  
scenario to Adele. He was sure that she knew that it was a possibility,  
but still it was going to be hard.

He had returned to his office, picking up his phone, dialling their home  
number just to hang up again.

He wasn't sure whether he should say anything. Whether he should just wait for the results.

He knew that either way it would break her heart. Especially now that  
this would confirm her fears. She had lost their child last year, a  
child that could have very well been Meredith's brother. This would just  
be rubbing salt into the wound. Adding insult to injury. A slap in the  
face. And all the other metaphors that he could think of. Damn Ellis and  
her way with words.

Resting his hands on his head he let out a frustrated growl.

"You alright chief?" Patricia asked when she entered the room.

Letting out a sigh he looked up at her. "Have you cleared my schedule?"  
he asked, not wanting to answer her.

"Your schedule is all cleared" she told him with a grimace.

Richard nodded and stood. "Page doctor grey please I need to speak with  
her and you better page bailey too."

"Right away." Patricia said with a worried look on her face.

"Are you sure everything's ok?" she checked.

"Patricia." He sighed.

Patricia looked at him and nodded. "Got it chief." She said as she  
backed away, still not able to hide her concern.

.....................pictures........................

Meredith could feel his eyes on her. Could sense what he was thinking.  
His fingers threading with hers as he met her on the elevator. They were  
supposed to be heading down to lunch together. Taking some time to  
discuss everything that has been going on in their lives.

It was hard to believe that they had come so far since the candle  
print.

Derek moved to stand behind her , keeping hold of her hand, and  
bringing his other hand on to her hip. He moved to breathe her in and  
meredith couldn't help but smile softly.

"Lunch." He murmured as he moved to nuzzle her neck.

Meredith leaned further into him, her back pressing up against his  
chest.

"Lunch" she said as she tried to bite back a moan.

The elevator doors opened, and he let her lead them off towards the cafeteria.  
She loved the knowledge that he was right there with her. She needed it, in a way that she had never needed anything before.

Meredith slowed slightly so Derek was in step with her before she slipped her arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder, quite content to walk the rest of the way like that.

That was of course before her pager sounded, drawing her attention away.

Pulling her pager from her hip, she looked at the message received, and sighed.

"What is it?" Derek asked nervously.

Meredith turned into him, stopping him completely.

"Richard wants to see me." She murmured.

Derek looked at her, his eyes softening, and her face shifting to a pout.

"I know Der, but i guess we can save it for tonight." She told him.

Derek sighed, but nodded. He knew that this was important for her, and maybe it wouldn't take too long.

"If its quick meet me down here, if not just text me ok." He told her.

Meredith nodded before standing on her tippy toes to press a kiss to his lips. "I gotta run." She said, before pulling away. "I'll text you."

Derek felt cold with her absence as he watched her duck off in the direction of the elevator, heading for the chiefs.

.....................................pictures.....................................................

Nearing the Chiefs office, Meredith was surprised to see Dr Bailey sitting in the room.

Knocking, but not too hard, she was slightly nervous about what Baileys' presence would mean.

Richard opened the door and ushered Meredith in, giving her shoulder a squeeze, hoping to reassure her.

Meredith smiled slightly as she entered the room, not sure what to think.

Richard motioned for Meredith to settle before he moved to address the both of them. "I called you here to let you know that i am taking a couple of days off." he told them. "I need a break. I'm waiting on some test results and its going to take a couple of days so I'm just going to take a few of those days off. It will depend on the results on whether i extend my leave or not." Richard added.

"Chief" Bailey said, and Richard moved his whole attention to her. "are you sick?"

Richard shook his head and a smile spread across his face.

"No i'm not, but this test is something i've needed for a long time, and i just need a few days to absorb the possibilities." he told her honestly.

Meredith smiled at the look on his face.

"Miranda, i want you to keep an eye on my hospital. I'm naming Shepherd my interum Chief, not that he knows it yet." he added as he made a point of looking at Meredith. "Just make sure your end runs smoothly." Richard tells her before she can say anything else.

"Now Meredith." Richard says as he again turns to address her. "I understand you're waiting on some results too." he said, "i wasn wondering if you too wish to have a few days off as it can all be overwhelming. However, if you wish,you could continue to work through."

Meredith considered it before giving a nod. "Actually, can i have the rest of the day off please?" she asked.

Bailey looked from Meredith to Richard, she could tell something was going on between them.

"No worries, if you get changed now, you can go. When you see Shep, tell him i want to see him now." he instructed.

Meredith nodded quickly and moved off. Not really wanting to stay for baileys grilling.

......................pictures................

Her plan had been simple or so she had thought. She had changed, ran down and passed the message onto Derek, explaining that she was having the rest of the day off, before she then turned around and headed home. She had managed to do it well, going so far as to arrive home feeling fresh and spry.

"Fresh and spry" Meredith thought to herself, "great now im sounding like izzie."

She had aimed to clean the house and set up a nice evening for herself with Derek. But before doing all of that she pulled out her laptop, quickly connecting to the net. She then searched through everything she could think of, paper work that she would require and processes she needed to know, especially if the results came back positive.

She needed this, and she just hoped that this wasnt going to be too much.

She knew that when she finally slowed down that this was going to hit her hard.

She called her attorney and made an appointment to meet with him on her next day off before calling Dr Wyatt. She figured that if she battled this head on before it begins to consume her then maybe this wouldn't completely screw her up.

Dr Wyatt was quite intrigued by Merediths call to book an appointment. That was something Meredith could hear in her voice. Dr Wyatt had promised to get her in for the afternoon.

Quickly running around to get what she needed done, she didnt hear the knock on her front door, or better yet, she didnt hear the person enter.

When Meredith turned around she was quite shocked to see a man sitting on her couch. His arms were crossed and there was a smirk on his face.

One thing Meredith knew was that she was definitely scared.

"Who... who are you?" she asked.

The man smirked at the look in her eyes. "Your mother sent me.."

"Excuse me?" Meredith asked not quite sure if she had heard him correctly.

"Your mother sent me Meredith, now sit." he repeated.

Meredith didnt know what to do. She had to be at Dr Wyatts in an hour. "I have somewhere to be." she told him.

"Im sure you do." he said as he continued to watch you closely. "now sit."

Meredith wasn't too sure what to do, but her fear had her following the mans orders.

He watched her sit down, waiting for her to show that she was more than ready to listen.

"Your mother told me that this moment would come, and she hoped that she can make you understand, although she doubted she could." he began before meredith interrupted again.

"But who are you?" she asked gaining some of her courage back.

"I am Samuel James Costello." he said and Merediths eyes widened at the name.

"My uncle?" she murmured, and he nodded.

"Your mothers twin."

"But..." she started but stopped again when he cut her off.

"Really Meredith i have no time for this foolish nonsense. I need to do this and get back to work."

Meredith shifted uncomfortably, opening and closing her mouth, contemplating on talking before finally just giving in.

"Your mother wrote a letter explaining the situation Meredith. I suggest that you read it." he told her as he withdrew an envelope. "Inside there are also some legalities that you may encounter in regards to the situation. But i assure you, before you develop some whiz bang theory in your head, your mother did what was best. Some people could just never see it."

Meredith watched as he put the envelope on the coffee table.

"My card is inside the envelope, as is the details on one James Ezra Sloan, who could also be your father." he added.

Merediths eyes widened at the name, but she didnt know what to say or think. She could feel the bile rising in her throat.

"You can handle this however you wish." he told her. "Just read the letter. I'm sure it will help you."

Meredith nodded, not sure what to think.

"Well I best be off." he said as he stood and looked briefly at Meredith before slowly making his way to the door.

"Richard and I have sent for a paternity test." she blurted.

Her uncle turned to face her briefly.

"I hope he's your father." he told her. "The other two are terrible options."

Meredith watched him then leave before looking down at the envelope and decided to pull her phone out. She would need help with this.


	20. Chapter 20

ellis's letter can be found here.... http : // i295 . photobucket . com / albums / mm133 / rolly_rawlins / Untitled . jpg


	21. Chapter 21

Arizona and Meredith looked at each other. Their mother's words going around in both of their heads.

"We need to tell Lexie." Arizona said quietly, still not believing what her mother had just revealed.

"And Richard" Meredith murmured as she looked over at the letter again.

"Yeah" Arizona sighed, thinking back over everything that happened

"Who first?" Meredith asked looking concerned.

"Lexie, I guess." Arizona replied, not able to hide her trepidation of what could come.

........................................pictures....................  
Meredith and Arizona entered the hospital together. Both so nervous that they held each other's hands. In the other hand, Meredith held the letter from her mother.

They were not sure that they were going about this in the best way or the right way, but they knew that they had to do something.

"This will destroy her." Meredith said to Arizona. "You're lucky Ari, there's no question over who your family is." Meredith added.

Arizona looked at her sister, as her hand reached for her pager. "No, I'm just the one caught in the middle of this mess, and finding out that I may have another sister."

Meredith sighed.

"But we're in this together now Mer-bear." Arizona said as she gave her hand a squeeze. "We will get through this together."

Meredith nodded as they both climbed onto the elevator. Both quite shocked to find Derek waiting for them.

"Hey" Meredith murmured as he moved to put his arms around her.

"Hey" he replied, not able to hide the concern on his face. "I saw you both pull in. whats going on?"He asked.

Meredith sighed and pulled him closer to her.

"Mer" he murmured as he ran a hand through her hair.

"We've got to see Lexie about something." She told him and loosened her grip on him slightly.

"Is everything ok?" he asked and he felt Meredith shake her head.

"Can Lexie have the rest of the day off?" she asked.

Derek sighed at the thought of losing another surgeon. "Will she need it after you both speak to her?" he asked.

Meredith nodded. "She's Ellis Greys daughter. She's going to need it."

Derek's eyes widened at the thought as he felt Meredith pull back.

"Sure she can take the day off." He told her as he gave her a quick kiss. "You girls are pretty tough, you'll be fine."

Meredith forced a smile as she stepped off. "Wish us luck." She murmured to him as she headed towards the nurses desk, to where they had paged Lexie.

............................pictures...................

Lexie had no idea why Dr Robbins was paging her. Last thing she had heard was that she had left to tend to some personal emergency, but she had no idea what.

Now as she approached the nurses desk she could see both Meredith and Dr Robbins standing together. She could see that Meredith was nervous about something and the look on Dr Robbins face didnt leave much to speculate, their was definitely something going on.

She reached the nurses station and looked awkwardly between the two. Neither girls moved to speak first and it was seeming like they no longer wished to speak with her Letting out a sigh, she then turned to walk away.

"Wait" Arizona called, not wanting her to leave. "We ah..." she started but then stopped, looking to Meredith for support.

"We need to draw some blood." Meredith told her "We will explain it once we get out of this place, but you need to go with Ari and give some blood, then you need to change. We are all taking the rest of the day off."

Lexie looks at Meredith, she can't hide the confusion. Its obvious that something is going on. "Why cant you tell me now?" she asked.

Meredith let out a sigh, "please lex, just , we just . Just do this okay."

Lexie could see the look Merediths eyes, it was obvious that she was pleading with her.

"Ok, but I've got work. I cant go anywhere." she sighed.

"Dr Shepherd has cleared you, you can come with us." Arizona spoke up.

Lexie looked surprised at first but should have realised that if Meredith had told him that she needed Lexie, then he wouldnt hesitate to deliver.

"So i go with Dr Robbins?" Lexie asked.

Meredith nodded. "I have a session." she told Lexie. "Come on up when you're done."

Lexie looked at her curiously as she watched her play with her hands. "So I go with you?" Lexie asked Arizona again.

Arizona nodded. She began walking away, hoping that Lexie would follow

....................pictures....................

Arizona hated this. She had hated this before when it was just Meredith, but adding another person to the mix, well that just filled her with dread.

She had carefully inserted the needle into lexie's arm and drew the blood. She had watched her new sister go five shades lighter with the process and knew that in telling her what they had just found out, they were not only welcoming a sister, but they were compltely turning her world upside down.

If lexie could walk away from this it wouldnt be doubted that she was strong.

They were literally going to stand in front of her later and tell her that the mother whose death she had mourned for not even a full year, wasnt her mother, and then had to throw in that her father may not even be that either.

Arizona couldnt even begin to think how she herself would take the news...

Finishing with the sample, she suggested that Lexie go change before waiting outside Dr Wyatts office. In the mean time she would need to run the sample down to the lab to make her final request.  
.........................pcitures.........................

"Have you considered what effect this will have on you?" Dr Wyatt asked Meredith as she sat with a pen in her hand, ready to take notes from this emergency session.

Meredith shrugs her shoulders. "There's nothing i can really do about it."

Dr Wyatt keeps her eyes focused completely on Meredith who seemed, like usual, to be focused on the fish tank. "What about Lexie, how do you think she will feel?" she asked, hoping that she would get a reaction.

"Our mother lied to us for our whole life. The only difference being that Lexie had a family and i didnt." Meredith said quietly.

"But you are about to tell Lexie that Susan Grey was not her mother and that Thatcher Grey may not actually be her father." Dr Wyatt added.

Meredith sighed, turning slightly to look at Dr Wyatt. "My mother did a really horribel thing because she didnt want to accept the reprecussions of her affairs." Meredith said quietly. "but im sure your going to tell me that she, in some sick and twisted way, was trying to protect her family."

Dr Wyatt watched Meredith toy with her watch, it was a nervous tick that she had become familiar with.

"What do you think Meredith?" Dr Wyatt asked, she was waiting for Meredith to at least answer one of her questions straight.

Meredith bit her lip and toook in Dr Wyatts facial expression. "I think... i think my mother was selfish and was too concerned about her own self image to worry about how this affects her children, her own flesh and blood."

"Was she really selfish Meredith? She did give Lexie to Thatcher." Dr Wyatt stated.

"You asked me what i think." Meredith snapped. "You didnt ask me what i know."

Dr Wyatt sighed, it was obvious that the difficult sessions were going to return. "Well what do you know." she reiterated.

Meredith went back to looking at the fish. They seemed to help relax her. "She was broken, and she was trying to fill the void and replace the missing pieces." Meredith murmured. "she sought out the ultimate connection between a man and a woman to give her that something."

Dr Wyatt nodded. "Sounds like someone else i know."

Meredith looked at Dr Wyatt frozen. "Are you suggesting that i would have a childd and pass it off as another mans?" She asked, her eyes revealing the hurt of the comment.

"No, but at one stage you did seek out the ultimate connection between a man and a woman to fill the void." Dr Wyatt replied.

"No" Meredith sai as she raised her hand up to wipe the tears that were now in her eyes. "It's diffferent." she told her. "What my mother did was inexcusible."

Dr Wyatt sighed. "Meredith."

"No look, im going to go." Meredith told her as she stood and rushed to get her things together. " i.... later." she murmured as she left, ignoring Dr Wyatts attempts to call her back.

....................pictures.............

Richard hadnt been able to believe that Samuel had came to see him, epecially after all this time.

He had painfully istened to all that he had to say ecretly thankful that Adele was at work.

Now as he entered the hospital, he was hoping that maybe he would find Meredith here. He had called Derek on hi way in, and was pleased when he told him that she had been in a little earlier and that she had said that she had come in to see Lexie, and had also asked for lexie to have the rest of the day off

Moving through the levels of the hospital, a letter from Ellis held in his hand. He could only hope that he could find the trio and talk to them about all that he had just found out.

With everything that had happened today he felt that the ground had begun to move as the world that he knew started to crumble around him. He had no knowledge of what would remain of his old lide, or what he would find that he could build on from the wreckage.  
................pictures...............

Lexie had found Meredith sitting in the supply closet, but the truth be told, she had first watched her run in there. She had decided that it would be best to give her a few minutes to gather her thoughts together before she herself invaded the space.

She had been shocked to see the remnants of tear on her face.

No words came to her as she went to her sister and wrapped her arm around her.  
...................pictures..................

Arizona found her sisters, they were glued to each other sides. They were standing quietly and Arizona could see the faint lines of tears on Merediths face.

"You okay?" Arizona asked as she neared them, and watched as Meredith pulled away from Lexie slightly.

"Fine" Meredith murmured and Arizona could tell that she obviously wasnt.

"What did she say?" Arizona asked protectively.

"Nothing" Meredith lied.

"Meredith, what did Dr Wyatt say?" Arizona asked again as she reached out to touch her shoulder.

Meredith shrugged it off. "Dont" Meredith murmured, and Arizona watcher he coil away "Didnt we have something we needed to do?" she asked, wanting the focus to be off of her.

Arizona sighed. All she had to do was look at Meredits face to see that whatever it was was bad, and could only hope that she would talk about it later.

"Come on" she sighed ushering her sisters away from the psych ward and towards the elevator.

.......................pictures................

Arizona nudged Meredith and Meredith absent mindedly bumped her back not really paying attention to the gesture as she figured that she was trying to bug her about what happened in Dr Wyatts office still. After all, she had only just asked her to drop it. But when she heard her say her name and then stopped, Meredith finally looked up.

Merediths eyes, along with Arizona's, settled on Richard, who wasnt exactly looking like the man he had this morning when Meredith had first faced him.

Her eyes moved over him, taking in his tired features, his comfy sweats, that he now wore, and then there it was, a letter held tightly in his hand.

Lexie, who still had no idea what was going on, was not quite sure about the Chiefs presence, or his appearance for that matter. She did not say anything because the situation remained quiet, and unbeknownst to her, this man was still absorbing the news that she had yet to receive.

"We were just going.'" Arizona stated somewhat protectively.

Meredith moved to press her hand on Arizona's shoulder, willing her to back off slightly. "We just came to get Lexie." Meredith said quietly. "We've taken a sample, and have taken it down to the labs. We should know in a couple of days."

Richard nodded, grateful that she was keeping him in the picture.

"We ummm... we have to go. Still need to talk to Lexie." Meredith then told him.

Richard again nodded, he wasnt quite sure what he could say anyway.

"We will call you when we are done." Arizona filled in, knowing that she really couldnt shut him out completely.

Richard looked surprised yet thankful. The gesture was truly something that would ease his mind.

The girls then began to move past him again and towards the doors.

"What was that about?" Lexie asked, eyeing them both off.

"You'll find out soon enough." Arizona said with a sigh as she continues to lead them to the car.

........................pictures....................

There was no place deemed more appropriate for the up and coming conversation than the house of which they all now had a connection.

Lexie was curled up on the couch eying Meredith who was pacing backwards and forwards in a manner that Lexie now knew she had gained from Derek, and Arizona, Arizona was now playing Alex's nintendo wii, trying to develop the courage she needed to have this conversation.

The scene continued and the silence between the three was killing lexie. She had no idea what was going on, but she knew that it was obviously something big.

She sighed slightly not knowing hot to get them to finally speak in the end she decided to go with just asking.

"So whats this..." she started only to be cut off with Merediths "My mom is yours..."

Lexie was stumped by this and watched as Arizona paused her round of Mario Kart and turned to pay attention.

"Come again?" Lexie asked not sure that she ahd heard right.

"My mother is yours." Meredith repeated.

Again Lexie didnt say anything. The only thing that she could figure was that this was a really bad joke.

"Our mother wrote a letter. I think you should read it." Arizona spoke up.

Meredith looked at Arizona with uncertainty.

"Just so you know, it will also explain the blood sample that we took today." Arizona added before flipping back to playing the wii.

Meredith shook her head before handing the letter over to Lexie. "Im sorry" she murmured hanging her head softly as if she was in mourning, and in a way it was as though she was.....

Lexie read the letter. Disbelief washed over her face, as she moved to read the letter again, although she didnt need to she already had it memorised.

She fought the tears that were coming with the stream of questions that were running through her head. She felt like she had been hit by a freight train or a mack truck. She couldnt be sure but she knew that she had been hit by something.

If this letter was correct. If Ellis's words were true, then her motehr, Merediths mother, was not the woman who had tucked her in at night. Was not the one who had comforted her at night when she had nightmares. Was not the person she had grown up with. It meant that Susan Grey was not her mother, and thatcher Grey, possibly not her father. An intense level of hatred filled her as it stormed through her veins with the knowledge that her life could only really be considered a lie. There was no other way to put it, and she had no idea what else to think.

She looked up at a nervous Meredith and an ignorant Arizona. Of course she wouldnt be worried. It wasnt her world, her life, the basis of her existence in question.

Lex." Meredith spoke unable to read her expression.

Lexie shook her head as she stood. "I cant" she murmured as she began to run out of the room.

Meredith went to follow her but was stopped by Ari. "Give her time." she murmured. "you know she'll be back." But the thing was, Meredith wasnt completely sure if she would be.


	22. Chapter 22

Lexie had waited for a cab on the corner before she had then gone to see Thatcher Grey, the bumbling man who she had grown up loving as her father. The man who had become an alcoholic.

She hadnt even been able to say two words before he had started crying and mumbling about how she had been all that he had and that he couldn't let her be taken away. Of course that had been before the wave of anger and abuse, stating that she was destined to be like her birth mother and the poisonous sisters. That he never really wanted her, but that Susan had made him take her.

She had no idea what to do next, or where else to go. Everything seemed to be in turmoil and her head was drowning in a life full of memories that was turning into a lie.

Dialing the only person who could hold her, love her, an make her feel safe, she the sat and waited in the rain, as it washed away anything she felt she had left.

Mark had no idea what to expect when he pulled in to pick up Lexie. So when he pulled the car up in front of a kids playground to find his girlfriend sitting on a swing in the rain, he couldnt help but feel concerned.

She hadnt said much on the phone. All he knew was that she had been crying and that something had happened.

Stepping out of his merc, he pulled his jacket tight around him before zipping it up.

He moved towards her quickly, not really worried about the rain, but more concerned about her and what was going on.

She hadnt looked up when he moved to stand in front of her despite the fact that she could feel his presence.

Mark couldnt help but think that she looked a lot like Meredith when she was sad, and could only hope that he could help her or be there for her.

Lexie slowly looked up when she felt him shift, revealing the tears that were pooled in his eyes. She the took his out stretched hand.

He pulled her to her feet, before allowing her to fall into his arms.

Not sure of what else to do, Mark wrapped his arms around her, holding her, not caring about the rain.

"Can yu take me home?" Leie asked quietly, her face buried into her chest.

Mark gave her a squeeze, before leading her towards the car.

Her body was limp, he knew this. He had heard her light snores fill the car when they were half way home.

He held her close to him as he carried her from the car and up towards Merediths house. It felt weird that he was about to reveal his relationship to her sister.

She hadnt told him what had gone wrong. All he knew was that it was bad.

He slowly took the steps, and when he reached the door, he didnt have to know as it seemed that Meredith had heard the car door.

The look on her face was of relief, much the opposite to what he had expected.

He smiled softly before moving through the house.

"Her room is..." Meredith began before he cut her off.

"I know where her room is." Mark said, giving her a small guilty look.

Merediths eyes widened in surprise, but she didnt say anything more as he looked past her to see Derek leaning against the door way, a frown on his face.

"Is that her?" he heard the chief ask as he moved into view.

Mark just nodded before moving up the stairs, needing to put Lexie in bed.

......................pictures.................

It had been hard for her. She had kept up the front. She couldn't show  
meredith or even lexie how much this was all fucking with her head. She  
knew that if she had spoken up when they were younger things would be  
different, but still she could not work out whether different was good.

Now as she sat at the bar, she sucked on her beer, wishing that it could  
be something stronger. The only thing that stopped her was the fact that  
lexie was still missing and she had work early the next day.

It was there that she had heard it, the voice of the woman she had  
managed to see everywhere.

Looking up she saw her, dr callie torres, sitting at the bar talking to  
joe, the owner.

She watched her for a moment, then noticed that she had stood and was  
heading to the bathroom. Quickly downing the rest of her beer, she moved  
to follow her.

Making a point to close the door, she waited until callie had came back  
from the toilet and approached the sink to wash her hands.

She watched her for a moment before approaching her, clearing her  
throat.

"There are stories." She tells her as she looks around, "and I listen."  
She adds. "So I just wanted to tell you that there are people interested  
in you calliope, an that if and when you are ready to explore  
possibilities, I'm interested." She said, before gathering as much  
courage as she could to leans in and kissed her.

Ari was then surprised by the fact that callies hand came up behind her  
and her fingers threaded through her blonde hair.

Ari moved to deepen the kiss, feeling as if it was the only thing that  
seemed to be right right now.

She heard callie sigh as she pulled back and felt a hand run down her  
cheek. "Do you maybe want to get out of here?" callie asked, and ari was  
shocked, but nodded.

Callie smiled at her before leaning to capture her lips again. "Good"  
she murmured as she then thread her fingers through ari's hand.

When she pulled back, ari looked down at their hands which were now  
joined, looking back up she smiled.

"Come on" callie said, tugging on her hand as she began to lead her out  
of the bathroom and through the bar.

Ari shrugged, 'here's to forgetting' she thought to herself as she  
fought to forget the sinking feeling that she had from earlier, and the  
unknown that came with lexie, and the fact that she had ran.

......................pictures...................

Mark had been relieved to escape the curious eyes of both meredith and  
derek. This wasn't exactly the way he wanted to reveal his relationship  
with her and the fact that the chief was there, that was just an e added  
bonus.

He looked down over the still sleeping Lexie and knew that he couldn't  
let her sleep like this. Her clothes were soaked, and that was never a  
fun thing, or would it be good if she got sick from all of this.

Deciding to help strip her down, he moves to the end of the bed and  
begins with working on her shoes but is relieved to see that she has the  
slip on converses on, which helps him just slide right off before he  
moves to wrestle with 2 damp socks.

He heard her moan, and looked up quickly to see that she had brought a  
hand up to scratch her nose. He wasn't sure what the purpose was, but he  
watched as a folded up piece of paper fell from her hand and dropped  
onto the pillow next to her head.

Mark continued moving up her body, working on the jeans that were  
pressed tightly to her, causing his already aching arousal to grow even  
further.

In all his efforts, he hadn't expected her jeans to fight him, but as  
they clung tightly to her skin he was tempted to give in.

Letting out a frustrated sigh he moved further up to her shirt, where he  
had begun to undress her. Her button up blouse had made it easier.

Sliding the sleeves off her arms, he then smiled as he looked down over  
the woman who had opened him up to love.

He ran his hand over her flat stomach and knew that without a doubt,  
that he may not have said it yet, but he was head over heels in love  
with the woman in front of him.

Sighing, he knew that he needed to take off her jeans, but that she  
would wake in his efforts.

He moved back down to her waist and ran his hands on the inside of the  
pants, hoping that with little teasing that they would come away.

"Hmmm mark" lexie sounded, and mark looked up to see that she was still  
asleep.

Chuckling slightly, he begins to pull away her jeans, and is surprised  
that they come away with ease.

Now as he stares down at her mostly naked body, he decide to leave her  
in her bra and undies, pulling the covers back up and over her body.

It is when her reaches her chest that he see's the note again, and picks  
it up. Leaning down, he kisses Lexie softly before moving to sit on the  
chair that she has in her room.

Un folding the letter he begins to read

...... pictures...........  
In the meantime.

Meredith paced back and forth, her mobile in hand. She was dialing ari  
and hoping that she might answer the phone sometime soon.

It was the second time that she had tried to ring her in the past 5  
minutes.

Finally someone answers and meredith lets out a sigh of relief.

"Thank god ari." She says as she starts.

"Meredith?" a questioning voice comes back, and the first thing she is  
alerted to is that this is not ari.

"Callie?" she asks back sure that she was the person on the other end of  
the phone.

"Arizona has just ducked into the bathroom. What's up?" she asks.

Meredith lets out a small groan. "Im glad to see my sister has finally  
got the courage to come speak to you." She says as she gains strength  
from looking at derek.

"Can you please let her know that our sister is home, and didn't appear  
to be in a good state." Meredith adds.

"Sister?" callie asks.

"Yes, our sister." Meredith says quietly. "Lexie" she adds just in case  
she hadn't caught on.

"Oh" callie sighed. "So mark did pick her up?" callie asked and meredith  
nodded even though she knew that callie couldn't see.

.... pictures............

Arizona walked out of the bathroom and watched as callie hung up her  
phone. "What are you doing?" she asked.

"Your phone was ringing for the second time in 5 minutes, so I answered  
it." Callie said.

Arizona just shakes her head.

"It was meredith by the way, was calling to let you know that lexie is  
home." Callie feels her in.

Arizona nods, and lets out a sigh of relief as she moves to climb onto  
callie's bed.

She crawls up to be equal with callie, and surprises the woman by  
pulling her in for a deep tantalising kiss.

When she pulls back, she smiles. "I have to go. Tonight was great,  
fantastic even, but there is some stuff that mer and I need to sort  
out." She says as she leans into kiss her again.

Callie tilts her head, enjoying the kiss and not wanting to let arizona  
go.

"I will leave my card on the bedside table. "I really like you Calliope,  
so you should use it." Arizona states and leans into kiss her again,  
smothering callie's 'I really like you too'.

She then moves back off the bed, and starts towards the door, giving the  
shout out for Callie to call her.

.........................pictures....................

He couldn't believe it, after what he had just read he wasn't sure what  
he should do. There was a time when he would never have thought it was  
possible to have had a sibling. With the way his parents had acted he  
wasn't even sure why they had even had him.

He could remember well his parents absence. The way they were never  
around. He could even remember the big arse fight they had had when he  
was 8 and his mother had moved out not wanting anythingg to do with  
them. Of course she had come back, claimed to have missed her husband  
but mark knew now that it was the lifestyle that she had missed.

He couldn't believe, after dialing his father to talk to him for the  
first time in years, that he had had the conversation that he did. The  
question of the affair, raising the possibilty of having a sister. It  
was all too much.

The way his father had grunted in acknowledgement before brushing him  
off had been enough to make his blood boil. The fact that his father was  
capable of that was beyond him, and well, doing the math, he understood  
the reason behind one very percuilar fight.

His fathers dismissal and the "your 39 years old mark, grow up and  
acknowledge the lies." Was more than he had needed to hangup on his  
father after vowing to never call him for anything again.

He had then trudged down stairs, needing a beer, and knowing where lexie  
had kept his particular stash. He didn't really feel like talking but  
knew that it was highly possible that he would encounter someone on the  
way.

Moving through the house, he could hear the murmuring coming from the  
kitchen, but knew that he had to go in there.

Slowly he pushed the door open, hating that he had to go in there, but  
knowing that he couldn't avoid this forever.

He feels all eyes on him as they look up at the person imposing on their  
space.

"Just getting a beer." He commented as he tried to hide the pain in his  
eyes.

"We don't have any." Meredith says as her eyes drift over him, her eyes  
landing on a piece of paper that was half hanging out of his pocket. She  
then quickly lifted her eyes to his face.

"There is a stash in the fridge in the laundry. Lex keeps it there for  
me." He murmurs before making his way through.

Everyone watches as he moves through to the laundry, and closes the door  
behind him. He doesn't hear them start up talking, and he doesn't know  
why.

Soon he hears the door open, and he looks up, with his beer in hand and  
still doesn't say anything. There is nothing to say to the woman who was  
now standing in front of him. A woman who could possibly have a similar  
genetics due to her father. A story which he didn't know everything  
about but knew enough.

"So my dad fucked your mom." Mark says, not knowing what else to say.

"Yeah." Meredith sighed as she leaned against the washing machine, now  
standing along side him.

"So..." mark says awkwardly.

"So how long have you been with lexie?" she asks.

"2 months" Mark answers simply before he takes another mouthful of  
beer.

Meredith looks up at him in surprise, not at all sure of what to say to  
him.

"So my possible brother is in a relationship with my sister. Do you know  
how weird that sounds." She says again as she looks up at him, before  
reaching for his beer. They then hear the front door open, and both look  
at each other before making their way into the kitchen.

"Yeah well my best friend may be screwing my sister." He says as he  
grabs his beer back and stairs at the kitchen door, not bothering to  
acknowledge the dumbfounded look on dereks face.

The door opens for a dishelved arizona. Meredith raises her eyebrows at  
her and takes in the sight.

"I think I might leave you guys to it." Richard says, watching arizona  
straighten her shirt. "Call me tomorrow." He says as he nods his head at  
meredith before walking out.

Everyone stands and looks awkwardly at arizona. "What I was getting laid  
when u called." She says to meredith, ignoring the looks on the others  
faces.

"Callie?" meredith asked

Arizona nodded. "Gave her my card and told her to call." Arizona said  
with a grin before looking at mark. "Your the big fool that hangs around  
with her?" she asks

Mark shifted awkwardly. "Torres is my friend" he says.

"Good. I like her." Arizona says. "Now where is lexie."


	23. Chapter 23

The evening had pushed through and the breaking day light brought forward a day of mechanics.

Arizona had turned to work and her efforts to recruit the one and only Miranda Bailey into the pediatric field. She really needed someone as smart and dedicated as her working along side of her.

Meredith ad been quiet, not sure of what exactly to do with herself so she did her best to bury herself in her work, which generally meant finding herself engrossed in working with Derek. Their patient was a woman called Jen who found the love of her life in the middle of a supermarket.

Richard had made sure that Derek understood what was needed or more so required of him as acting chief before heading home to break his wife's heart.

Lexie had remained curled up in bed, completely devastated by the news tat she had recieved the night before. Mark hadnt been able to get her out of bed, but he didnt really try as his head was blanketed in the darkness of his own thoughts too.

Now as Meredith sits with Derek, she wonders if there is possibly anything else that could happen. If there was anything else that could rip the carpet out from underneath her, but she had highly doubted it. The world would continue to spin crazily, until she found a way for it to stop.

....pictures.........

Arizona had the paper in her hand. It seemed that when she had asked for them to put a rush on the test they had fully understood the urgency. She hadnt opened to folder, not wanting to know before the others. It wasnt her right to know, or well it was, but she wasnt the priority. She winked at Callie as she walked past her, all the while her spare hand playing with her pager, calling through to Lexie, Richard and Meredith.

... pictures.......

Richard had been sitting at home at the bare kitchen table. His head was in his hands, partially resting there as he wondered why his life was a mess again, and trying to hold off the blood oozing from the cut, with the pressure.

Adele hadnt taken the news too well, and it seemed that her years of playing softball had not faded, and her arm was in perfect condition as she had managed to throw a vase at his head. He had heard her trudge up stairs, slamming the doors as she went.

Now as he looked down at the pager, he could only hope that this was all worth it.

...pictures..........

Lexie sighed as she dug her pager out from under her pillow. On seeing it was Arizona she flung it across the room, hearing it hit the wall.

Burying her head in her pillow, she willed for sleep to return, and the pain of the lies to wash away with it.

........pictures.........

They had been waiting for Lexie. She was the only reason they hadnt looked at the papers. She hadnt answered her pager and when Meredith had decided to call her she had only answered to hang up when Meredith had mentioned the results.

Nobody knew whether she would decided to join them and Meredith was beginning not to care. She needed to know the results, and she could see by the look in Richards eyes that waiting any longer would kill him.

"Are the results on two different sheets?" Meredith asked as she looked at Arizona. Her frustrations evident.

Arizona quickly looked at the sheets to see the two different names at the top. "Different" she murmured.

Meredith than looked at Richard. "I'll read it." Richard murmured.

Meredith watched as her sister took the piece of paper from the envelope and handed it to Richard.

Now looking down at her hands she began to fidget. She needed to hear this, but not as much as Richard.

Arizona moved close to Meredith, putting an arm around her shoulders. She hated that she had to be the one that revealed this.

The contact from her sister was enough to encourage Meredith to lift her head to study Richards face/

Tears spilled from his eyes and Meredith wasnt sure if they were happy tears or not.

"I'm... I'm so sorry." Richard chocked out.

Merediths eyes fell.

Lexie curled herself further into her blankets, she didnt want to care anymore. She didnt want to think about who her father might be. Right now she hated Thatcher Grey and even more so, she hated Ellis Grey, the surgeon she had once wished she was related to who now was said to be her mother. She had never known her and she knew that she never will.

Merediths mind was screaming after hearing Richard speak.

"Oh God" she uttered as she thought of who her dad may be.

"Mer" Arizona said as she shook her gently. "No"

"Meredith" Richard said a little stronger as he moved to wrap his arms around her.

"I'm sorry i sayed away Mer. I'm sorry i missed out on you growing up." he whispered in her ear as Meredith continued to sob.

"Richard" Arizona said softly, tears in her eyes.

"I'm so proud to be your father." he murmured before feeling Meredith pull away.

"Wh... what?" Meredith asked as she wiped away her tears.

"I'm sorry i stayed away." he said to her.

"Not that" she murmured.

Richard looked at her confused.

"I'm proud to be your father?" he asked and Meredith nodded.

"Your my dad?" she asked and Richard grinned.

"I'm your dad." he affirmed before pulling her close and holding onto her for dear life.


	24. Chapter 24

There's a lot to be said about the smaller moments in our lives and yet there is so much that could be said about those bigger moments.

Meredith was sure that she would never forget the moment when Richard spoke the words. "im your father." The fact that there was someone who had always wanted her... she was also sure that the words "im proud of you." had also fallen from his mouth.

Now as she made her way into her house she hoped that Lexie would be hearing the same thing. She carried with her a large yellow envelop which had Lexie's results in it.

Richard had taken off after recieving the results, saying that there was something that he needed to do. He had not peeked at the results for Lexie's tests, saying that Lexie would call him when she was ready.

Meredith started up the stairs not expecting to see anyone anytime soon. Arizona had gone home to her apartment. Derek had gone to talk to Mark who was still thinking aout everything. He was given the jo of telling him that Meredith was not his sister. Alex and Izzie had gone to Joes and Christina was with her army doctor.

After cutting a clear course to the attic, Meredith tapped lightly before opening the door. She quickly looked around the room taking in the sight of the broken pager, and the clothes that were thrown everywhere. This was definitely not the way the room normally looked.

"Lexie" she said softly as she moved towards the massive pile of blankets on the bed, knowing that somewhere beneath them was her sister.

"Go away" Lexie murmured feeling Meredith sit down on the edge of the bed.

"Lex i have the results." Meredith said as she moved to pat the pile of mess.

"I dont care" Lexie replied kicking Meredith through the covers. "Just go away."

Meredith sighed as she looked at her little sister. She knew that this was how a spoilt princess behaved. She had seen enough movies, but the crazy thing was that there was nothing spoiling her except her own childhood memories.

"I'm just" Meredith started before stopping. She had no idea what to say to her sister. "This sucks." she sighed, "but at least we've got each other"

Lexie mumbled something completely incoherent and Meredith sighed . "I'm just going to be downstairs." she told her as she moved away leaving her sister to wallow, and the results on the bedside table.

Derek sat across from Mark at Joes. They had been sitting there quietly for 20 minutes now. Both sipped on their scotch with Mark wishing that it was stronger and Derek wishing that he was home with Meredith. He had no idea how to bring the subject up that they both needed to talk about.

Minutes continued to tick by, and Derek looked down at the message he had just recieved. He couldnt help but let out a sigh of relief.

Merediths words were not quite relieving but he was thrilled that she was still communicating with him about everything.

"Was that Mer?" Mark finally spoke, and Derek nodded.

"She's been pretty amazing with this." Derek stated. "It cant be easy to find out that the man you have been raised to think is your father is no relation at all."

Mark looked at Derek carefully. "So she now knows?" he asked.

Derek took a swig from his drink. "Paternity test came back." he told him. "Richards her dad."

"and lexie?" Mark asked, worried about his girlfriend.

"She didnt come to find out. Mer says she is in her dark place." As Derek told him this he watched Mark closely, waiting to see his response.

Mark skulled the rest of his drink before looking through his glass at Derek. "Mer would have been a good sister." he told him before pulling the glass away, revealing a loneliness that Derek hadnt seen for a long time.

"If you marry Lexie." Derek said before trailing off.

Mark just nodded blindly. "I should probably go see her." he mumbled.

Derek smiled softly as he moved to stand. "Yeah you should." he said. Derek then waited for Mark, knowing that he would be coming back with him to his place.

"Does this mean she's going to be Meredith Webber now?" Mark murmured.

Derek shrugged as he and Mark moved towards the exit. "I dont know. Who knows, maybe Lexie was always meant to be Alexandra Webber too."

Mark nodded, but again didnt say much as he though about the possible situation he was finding himself in.

............................pictures................

Sleep had come in its briefest of forms, but had not lasted for long. It seemed that no matter how tired he was or how much his body ached that he truly knew that she needed him.

They had moved slowly, progressing from the need to hold each other, to the need to sit up and look into each other's eyes. Both were searching for something, but neither quite sure until their eyes had connected lighting a fire that burned with such an intensity, but as quick as it was ignited it was gone. The fire crackled out; there was no need for passion when they truly needed something more.

The muffled moans of Meredith and Derek had faded out only recently and now the silence surrounded them both.

Their eyes met again as they sat across from each other, both trying to find the will to talk.

Marks eyes wandered from hers and fell on the yellow envelope that Meredith had sat on the bedside table. He looked back at Lexie before he reached for it. He knew that if she had her way that she would avoid it and all the information that it contained.

"May I?" he asked as he waved the envelope in front of her.

Her eyes looked away from him. "I" she sighed before looking back up at his face. "Ok"

Mark watched as she pulled her knees to her chest, and the fear washed over her face.

"What's the worse that could happen?" he asked as his eyes glimpsed at the envelope.

"That i lose everything that i've ever known." She murmured, looking away from him again.

"Lex" Mark said softly, his eyes filling with a softnes that was unusual for him. "No matter wat, things will be okay." He promised and hoped that he was telling the truth.

Lexie watched as he slid the piece of paper out of the of the envelope and offered it to her without even looking at it first.

"I can't" she murmured before looking away, her hands beginning to twist each other in nervousness, something he had observed Meredith do too.

Mark nodded as he began to look over the piece of paper. His eyes scanning for the words that he knew she needed to hear.

Lexie had watched his face, waiting for any form of a reacting and yet his face remained unreadable.

Mark didn't know what to say as he slipped the piece of paper back into the envelope.

"Well?" Lexie asked nervously, suddenly feeling as if she really needed to know, especially now that he did.

Mark looked up at her, uncertainty written on his face as he tried to think of how to tell her.

He didn't know whether the news he was about to give her could be regarded as good news or not, all he knew was tat he didn't know what she would prefer. "Lex" he opened but couldn't say anything more.

Lexie's eyes pleaded with him to tell her. She needed for him to tell her otherwise this would all just feel like a dream.

"I" Mark started again but could not follow through.

"Mark please, i need you to..." Lexie murmured, and Mark looked away for a moment.

"Richard" he finally said. "The Chief. He is your father."


	25. Chapter 25

Her life was a lie, and knowing the truth hadn't made it any easier. She was still confused about what she wanted to do now, and she was no closer to getting to the truth. Instead it had only left her riddled with questions.  
_  
How do I tell molly?_

Who is my real family?

How do I know what's the truth anymore?

Did Susan really love me?

Did Ellis even want me?  
  
Mark had gone to work that day, after calling ahead to let Richard know that Lexie would not be coming in again. It had seemed that Richard had been okay with it. Lexie could recall that Mark had told her something like "you have been put on leave until you are ready to speak to him again."

Now as she curled further into her blankets, not having wanted to move and not being completely sure of what she wanted anymore, she contemplated never moving again. She didn't really want to speak to anyone, just as long as Mark, one of the only stable things in her life, kept coming home to her.

A stampede of feet brought her out of her head and only caused her to bury her head into Marks pillow.

.........

Meredith pushed through the door, followed closely by a worried Molly and Arizona.

They had entered the room warily, not knowing what to expect, or what condition they would find Lexie in.

Mark had been the one to tell Meredith the results of Lexie's paternity test, and he had also been the one to pass it onto Richard. Meredith hadn't said too much, as her paternity was not much to bother her as she knew that either way they were sisters.

The contacting of Molly had been by Meredith too, who had also decided to see if she could come talk to Lexie, after all, she had been her sister for years, while Meredith and Arizona had only been in her life for a shorter period of time.

So as they made their way across the room and to her bed they let Molly approach her first, taking a seat on the edge of the bed, Meredith now holding Laura, who had been sleeping in Molly's arms moments earlier.

"Lex" Molly said quietly as she rubbed a hand over the large mound. "Come on Lex you need to talk to us." She said.

She felt lexie move from under her touch and she slowly pulled the covers down from around her head.

"Mol" Lexie said quietly, before her eyes shifted to the others. Her eyes watering slightly. "I'm... we're not... we're not sisters." She struggles to say to molly.

"We are" Molly said firmly twisting on the bed to face Lexie better.

"No" Lexie said as she shook her head.

"Susan adopted both of us, that makes us sisters Lex." She tells her firmly, but with a quite voice.

Lexie's eyes widened at the thought.

"W... what?" she asked.

"You heard me." Molly told her with a smile. "I was adopted. So were you. Susan adopted you because she couldn't have children. So we are sisters." Molly told her. "We are sisters because she wanted us to be, and we are cousins because my biological father turned out to be your biological uncle." Molly added. "So you could never lose me, even if you tried real hard I wouldn't be going anywhere."

Lexie didn't know what to think about it all. "How do you know you are adopted?" lexie asked nervously.

"Unlike you." Molly confided. "I was told when I was 15, but I guess they really did think Thatcher was your dad." She said sympathetically.

"Oh" lexie sounded.

Meredith then took this moment to step in. "Your our sister Lex, in one way or another." She sighed as she sat down. "You are an aunt, a girlfriend and a daughter. Some things change, and things are made to change, its just a matter of how we adapt to that change." She said honestly.

"Since when did you get so wise?" Arizona teased her younger sister.

"Since I spent hours upon hours with a shrink." Meredith replied, "and believe me the appointments have just started back up." She said honestly as she turned to give a sympathetic look.

"Now come on lex." She urged. "Get up, have a shower, and we will have a girls day out, I think we costello's have earnt it." She told her as she struggled to stand with the sleeping Laura in her arms.

"Here mer." Molly invited to take her. Meredith smiled as she handed her over before looking back at Lexie.

"Oh and lex" she added as she gave a wink "make sure the shower is a long one, you are beginning to smell."

And with that meredith moved towards the door, encouraging Arizona to follow, leaving Molly to see that Lexie got organised and ready to go for lunch and to do what they might need to make her feel better about herself, because hell, even she needed that after the week they had."

.................pictures...............

There was a time, that staring at the fish in her psychologists room was the biggest reminder to her near death experience, but now, it was one of the few things that could absorb her mind and help her rearrange her thoughts to put them in the sentences she needed to explain to Dr Wyatt how it was that she felt about everything. Her biggest problem was, was that she wasn't sure how she felt about it all.

Dr wyatt, or Katherine, as Meredith had been told to call her, sat watching Meredith as she stared intensely at the fish. It wasn't the first time Meredith had done that, and she was worried that, like when Meredith had first started to see her, she would remain silent, and not express her thoughts and feelings on the most recent events

They remained in silence for quite sometime, every now and then, Meredith would run her fingers over her engagement ring and let out a sigh, but nothing more.

Katherine had sat for 20 minutes like this before she broke the silence, causing Merediths blue eyes to meet her own brown hazy ones.

"Last session you kept trying to talk to me about Molly and Lexie." She informed, although she was sure that Meredith remembered.

"I want to know about you Meredith. How do you feel about everything that has been revealed. What are you going to do with this information? How has this changed your relationships with the people around you?"

Meredith took in the words that Katherine spoke, as her eyes shifted back to the water.

"He wanted me." Meredith finally murmured, not sure of what else to say

"He..." she trailed off searching for what it was she was trying to iterate.

"He wanted me and yet he stayed quiet... I don't... I don't know what to think about that." Meredith told Katherine honestly as she glimpsed up at her before her attention moved back to the fish.

"So what are you going to do with this new information?" katherine pressed slightly, wanting to make some progress this session.

"I...ah.... I don't know." She confessed as she ran her finger over her ring, Katherine noting the gesture and how it was making Meredith feel more secure. "Its just that.." She started and paused again, this time shifting her gaze to katherines.

"Its just what?" katherine encouraged.

"It was only 6 months ago that I was cursing him for how he screwed up my life, and its... if he could have... if mom had found out... then things could have been different." She sighed as she wiped a tear from her eye, hating how much she had been crying lately.

"But you wouldn't be you." Katherine advised her, putting down her note pad for a moment.

"You wouldn't have been the girl to have had a one night stand with her boss, to have fought so hard to find her way to a safe space to then be with that man... you wouldn't be the person who you are now. Life experiences shape us, they make us grow and adapt to the world around us. You wouldn't be sitting here today wearing that ring." She noted finally.

Meredith sighed as she looked down upone the ring thinking all that it resembled.

"Lets face it Meredith, back then there were no real paternity tests, all that she could have done was match the blood types, which from my understanding, both Thatcher and Richard match. If she had been praying that you would resemble your father, than the colour of your skin easily led for the misunderstanding, even if your mother was a genius she still maternally have hoped you would have been drawn to one of them to a paternal degree, and instead, from what you have told me, you spent equal time with both, forming strong hearty relationships. The difference being thhat your mother chose to leave Thatcher while Richard chose to stop fighting." She finished.

"I don't know why..." meredith started but stopped from making the rest of the statement.

"You don't know why he stopped fighting for you?" katherine finished and Meredith let out a small nod. "Then I suggest you ask him, that would be the only way to piece these things together, and just remember Meredith, we will sort through everything that you have discovered."

Meredith let out a sigh, her eyes flicking to the clock that read that she still had 10 minutes left of her appointment. She didn't say anything at first when she turned to look at the fish again.

Katherine watched her fr a few moments realising that Meredith was putting the subject to rest for now. She knew that she should keep Meredith talking through everything, but then again, she knew that she could push too hard, causing Meredith to leave early.

"How... how are things with Lexie?" Katherine finally asked, hoping that the topic was an easier one.

Meredith groaned before turning to face Katherine. "Richard is going to have to make her leave the program soon, there are only so many personal days that one can have before the board starts asking questions. Its been a week and a half since she found out, and while we got her out of bed, she won't push further than lunch before wanting to go back." Meredith advised her.

Katherine nodded, noting that there was a great deal of difference between Meredith and Lexie, Meredith being able to roll with the punches while Lexie was more into wallowing and hiding from the world completely. "Different life experiences prepare us to take in the curve balls that life threw at us." Katherine offered. "Lexie was sheltered from the way things were by Susan, who made sure that she felt loved and secure. Although Susan has been gone for a year now im sure that she never imagined that anything could disrupt her perfect child hood."

Meredith nodded not knowing what to say to what Katherine had just said. "I don't want her to lose her job." She finally advised.

"Then you need to get her to face her issues." Katherine replied.

"How?" Meredith asked as she stood, reaching for her pager which had been sitting on the couch beside her.

"Invite Richard for tea." Katherine suggested. "It would be the perfect opportunity for you to gain answers from him, and also maybe he could offer some advice to his newly recognised daughters."

Meredith bit her bottom lip at the thought. "I just" Meredith sighed, knowing that it would give away that she had not been communicating much with her biological father.

"You don't know where your loyalties lie." Katherine surmised, "and lets face it, my opinion about your mother still stands." She stated. "She was a woman who had loved and lost and was too scared to acknowledge that she had the chance to love again. Maybe her diaries would give you a little insight." Katherine offered, "ask Richard if their are any diaries dated during her intern year or the lead up to, it might surprise you what you will find."

Meredith grimaced at the thought, but again nodded as she moved towards the door.

" Oh and Meredith, congratulations on your engagement. I hope he can also help guide you through this darkness." Katherine stated with a soft smile, knowing that Derek was one of the few reasons that Meredith appeared so together.

"Thanks" Meredith murmured in response giving her a small smile before making her escape into the waiting arms of Derek.

.................pictures...............

Have you ever just wondered what life could be like if things were unsaid. If people remained faithful. If decisions hadn't been made. Well I have. It happens all the time. And right now, I have no idea how to stop it.

As I sit at my kitchen table with an array of food smeared across it, welcoming the others sitting around it to eat, I fight to build up an appetite. You see tonight is the night for asking questions, or so I have been told, and yet the question left unspoken seems to heavy to verbalise.

I watch the others as they nervously pick at the food, collecting small serves of everything to munch on. No one has met anybody elses gaze, except maybe Derek, who keeps reaching over and squeezing my hand in reassurance. I know that he also wants me to eat, and thinks that I haven't eaten enough in the last couple of days, but I don't really have the appetite to, no matter how much I know I should.

Sitting amongst us is my Chief of surgery slash brand new daddy. The man who I have thrown so much shit at over the past few years. The man who I had blamed for chasing my daddy away. The man who didn't defend himself against my tiny tirades and my treason against his word.

Then next to him is my big sister. The only family that I thought I had left, the one who had ditched me for no reason other than the fact that our mother wasn't happy with her lifes decision. Of course it was unbeknownst to me until she had returned and told me the truth. But that wasn't the only truth that she revealed. It seemed very much like she was our mothers secret keeper, and that she had done a fantastic job of keeping the secrets quiet. Of courses, that was until recently.

Her girlfriend sat beside her, callie, my sisters girlfriend. That of course happened in a whirl wind with none of us understanding whether she was being used as a distraction or whether she was someone who was truly consuming Ari's thoughts. It made no sense, that was for sure, but it seemed to be working for them and I could only hope that it would continue that way, as I wouldn't want to see either herself or my sister get hurt. She had come for the dinner because Ari was going to be the only one other than my "new daddy" to be partnerless.

The table curved, and on the end, looking down upon me was an empty space, there was no head of the table, not tonight, and not for a while as this seemed too personal to have any of my house mates crashing. Lexie then sat across from Callie. She hadn't spoken the whole time she had been down stairs. She too hadn't looked greatly at Richard either, and I knew that was because she felt like there was too much going on and that she had been lied to all her life, and to be honest, I don't exactly know who had it worse. She had a mother who had wanted her, albeit that it wasn't our mother, but still Susan had wanted her and made sure that she had been loved and had the familial life that I definitely didn't have.

Mark sat beside her, the only one that seemed oblivious to the tension that filled the room. He was shovelling down the food that he had dished up like he hadn't been fed for weeks.

Derek sat beside him, and even though he was precise with his servings, he ate staggedly as he often kept looking at me, to check that I was ok, and not on the verge of a freakout. His fork hand maintained the staggered train of food to his mouth, while his other hand rested on mine, gently caressing it as if to keep me calm. His eyes flicked up to meet mine again, and I knew that he was hoping that I would eat a little more.

The food was good, I couldn't deny it. I had made sure that we were well catered with an array of barbeque chicken, roated vegetables and salad. I had also stored a fruit salad in the fridge, and had ice cream in the freezer waiting for dessert.

I look down at my basic plate that derek had served me up in hopes of enhancing my appetite and realised that I had barely touched my food.

"Please mer" I heard dereks plead breathily. He obviously didn't want to alert the others to the fact that I hadn't really eaten.

I let out a small sigh as I contemplate the food on my plate. I try and choose something to chew, but im still so indecisive, not knowing what I really felt like.

I toy with a slither of chicken that I have managed to press onto the end of my fork. My eyes meet Dereks pleading ones again before I raise the fork to my mouth, taking the chicken and forcing myself to chew it.

I feel Dereks eyes on me as my mouth begins the digestion process. As I swallow I feel him squeeze my hand before he leans forward and kisses me softly, murmuring a quick thank you.

When he pulls back I realise that a few others have witnessed our little moment, and I force myself to snab another piece of chicken.

"Ummm..." I hear Richard sound as he fakes clearing his throat. "Thanks for the meal tonight Meredith." He says, forcing a smile. It was obvious to me how awkward thing were feeling.

"Your... your welcome Richard, I mean dad, ummm chief." I ramble, not knowing what I am supposed to call him now. We hadn't really talked since the moment he wrapped his arms around me when we had found out the news.

Richard smiles at me, and I feel him move slightly, unsure whether to touch my hand and attempt to calm me or not. "What ever you feel comfortable with." He tells me gently."

I close my eyes briefly before shifting my focus back onto my food, everybody else seemingly following my example.

The room takes over the consuming silence again, and it is not long until the food that I am forcing down is cold, and any thought of finishing it is gone.

I stand to put my plate in the sink, and I feel derek begin to move, encouraging everyone to go into the lounge room stating that dessert will be later and that they will be a few moments while they clear the table.

No one else offers and I am sure that they can sense our need for a moment alone, a moment to recuperate or even to plan.

I place the last of the dishes on the sink before reaching for my still full wine glass. I take a small sip before turning into the arms that have since moved around me.

I nestle my head on his chest, and feel him press a kiss to the top of my head.

His hands run soothingly through my hair and I know he is begging me to open up to him, and to tell him what's going on inside of my head, but im not sure how just yet, im not quite ready.

I tilt my head up and kiss his neck softly, the only place I can reach without standing on my tippy toes.

I hear him moan softly before he lowers his mouth to mine, and I feel his knees bend so he doesn't hurt his neck.

The kiss is soft, sensual and reassuring, and seems to give me more drive and energy to see this night through with the people occupying my lounge room. Pulling away hesitantly, I reach for his hand, needing him by my side, as I set off to tackle the big guns.

.......

It seemed that the silence must have followed the others into the lounge because when we had arrived they were still sitting quietly, this time looking anywhere around the room except for at each other.

I feel Derek squeeze my hand and I looked up at him briefly and smiled. He was my rock. I may not have been able to see that before but I could now.

I look back around the group and notice how spaced apart they all are, and I know that I am the one who has to do something about it.

Moving to sit on the floor, Derek moves to sit behind me, pulling me back into his arms. Our eyes drifting arouund the others who seemed quite aware of our presence but not really sure of what it meant.

"What do we call you?" I blurt to Richard, wanting to break the silence.

I feel Derek pull my body in closer to his, and I relax a little.

"I don't know" richard murmured. It was obvious that he hadn't really thought about it.

I let out a small sigh. I know it is a lot to expect him to have answers for everything, but still I had figured that he would have had more of an idea about all of this.

"Do you want us to call you dad?" I ask moving slightly, not sure if I am holding a breath. I don't know whether I want him to say yes or no, but hope that either way I could adjust.

"I...ahhh... whatever you girls want." He replied awkwardly, and I watch as he brings an uncertain hand up to scratch the back of his head.

That's when it hits me, surely I had a name for him when I was little. I have vague memories of spending time with him, times alone, but I have no idea what I used to call him. "What did I call you when I was little?" I ask nervously, feeling the eyes of everyone else move back and forth from Richard and I as if they were watching a grand slam tennis match.

Richards eyes twinkle and it is obvious to me that he is caught up in a memory from my childhood. A smile forms on his face and he looks over at me before replying softly. So softly that I almost didn't hear, so I make him repeat it again.

"Dar" he said again, and I watch him then move to take out his wallet from his pant pocket. Im not sure what is the connection between the two things but I watch him carefully.

"You called me dar and you were my little merry." He said with a small smile as he then hands me a photo. It is worn from his wallet and slightly dog earred. There in the middle is a much younger man, obviously Richard, and a little blonde haired green girl, which looks about 3. She has her arms around his neck and seems to be full of laughter.

"You couldn't stop laughing when your mom was trying to take this photo. You wer e crazy for days after. You mom thought it had something to do with being closed up in the hospital while ari was at school and Thatcher was at work, but it was because I had taken you for your first strawberry ice cream and you were on a sugar high."

I smile at his memory.

"I used to sneak you away for those little treats. Especially when your mom was in surgery. Sometimes I had the day off and I would take you to the park. You loved going on the boats the best. You would ask for us to bring Ari and we would curl up on a bench near the docks and watch them come and go before we would catch the ferry over and back, and then I would take you home."

I smile as Derek leans over my shoulder taking in the image. It wasn't often that we would stumble onto a photo of myself when I was little and I was in complete awe.

"Can we get a copy of this?" I hear Derek ask, and I turn to smile at him. He moves to kiss me softly before looking over at Richard.

"I have a much bigger one at home. That's assuming Adele hasn't broken it. I will duck past and get it for you before work tomorrow." He informs us.

I nod, feeling grateful and then I hand the photograph back. "Thanks Dar" I say and let a small giggle escape me. It sounds like a really weird name to call some one, like im almost calling him dad, but not quite.

I see him smile softly as he reaches for the photo. "No worries merry." He replies and he then slips the photo back where its home was.

The room shifts a little, and I feel the tension is broken slightly. I look around at the others who are taking up both couches. It is when my eyes land on Lexie that I notice that there was a shift in her eyes.

"If you knew about me" she started softly. "Would... would you have wanted me?"

I can see that she is hanging on his answer. I knew that she had been hurt pretty badly by Thatcher Greys words. The weird thing was that she was wanted by Susan, and back then Thatcher loved her. It was only after Susans death that it had changed.

"Of course." Richard said promptly. "I've always wanted kids."

"But you didn't have any with adele." I spoke up, remembering Adele saying something during her hospitalisation.

"After your mom" he said witha sigh, and it was clear to see the sadness as it washed over his face. "After you, well... I couldn't imagine having children with Adele, I was scared that I would get attached and that she would leave."

I nod my head, glad to see the opening arise for the question Katherine had wanted me to ask.

"Then why didn't you stop mom, why didn't you fight for me, for us?" I ask, gesturing to Lexie as I went.

I could see that Richards face shifted and I wasn't sure if their was a mixture of anger with the sadness or whether he was growing defensive.

" She threatened to take away my career." Richard said softly. "If I didn't back off. She said that I would lose everything. Do you know what would have happened to the only black man on staff to be accussed of not only sexually assaulting her, but to also have been accussed of molesting you." I could hear his voice grow bitter. "I would have lost everything. My career, you, myself, my wife, my... life." He stated and I knew that mom had then threatened to take his whole life away.

"I wasn't worth it?" I ask a little glumly. I understood what he was saying, but was scared to hear the answer.

"You were" I head him say as he looks up at me with earnest eyes, "but I would have been facing the death penalty. And what good would I have been to you if I was dead." He told me and I could hear the bitterness return. "I didn't know about Lexie, but if I had I would have wanted her. Like I want you both now. Your my daughters, my own flesh and blood. I've always felt like something was missing..." he trailed off.

I couldn't hide the tears from my eyes, my hate growing in my heart, more for my mother than it ever had been before, and yet a small level of me knew that it was out of fear that she had done so. She was scared to love and lose, and that was why, on some level she was scared to love me. _oh great_ I thought _now im starting to sound like doctor wyatt _

A layer of concern grew over the room and I watched as Lexie leaned forward slightly.

"What now?" I asked Richard knowing that this was going to change my life. I feel Derek squeeze me slightly letting me know that I was still fine and that he was still there.

"I guess we could... spend time together... rebuild what was broken." I hear Richard say as he clears his throat and looks hopeful.

"And me?" I hear Lexie say.

" I guess we start fresh." He murmurs, not sure how she is going to react because she has been hiding all week. "But a good start would be for you to come back to work."

Lexie nods, and I feel myself grow hopeful too, that we can build a solid family for us out of the rubble.


	26. Chapter 26

…………… Arizona's P.O.V….

If id ever worried that my feelings towards my mother could get any worse, than I would have found it hard to believe.

It had been a week since the words tumbled from Richard's mouth, words of the threat she had voiced. Words that made me hate the monster that she had been.

If I had known that returning to Seattle would unite me with my sister that I would have returned a long time ago. If I had known of the havoc that I may cause, I would have questioned the point. Yet now it seems as though my family has extended and it has been said that we are going to "learn to grow" as a family together.

With all that put aside in the basket of craziness, I also have to question that if I had known that I was going to meet someone who would take my breath away, a person who was going to leave me in complete awe, then I definitely would have come back. It wouldn't have mattered that I was leaving behind Dakota to be with her, because all of this. The family craziness, the emotions, would have been all worth it.

Thinking about Calliope Torres has become a regular thing for me. I couldn't believe that I had fallen for her as quickly as I had. I wasn't game enough to tell her the words "I love you" just yet, as crazy as it was, I knew I did, that's if it is possible to love someone that you have been seeing for 3 weeks. But that doesn't mean it wasn't. You see there was just something about her that told me that she understood, that she knew what family pressure was, and even though I get the impression that she is a daddy's girl, I feel like we are meant to be.

It's crazy to think such things though when I think back to the 2 years I spent with Dakota. She had been there had made my sacrifices worth it, and had picked up the pieces of my broken heart when my first serious relationship went bust.

Dakota never understood what it was like to be shattered by the person you thought you were going to spend the rest of you life with, and yet Calliope seemed to, between what Meredith had told me about her, and what Calliope herself had told me, she knew what it was like to have your heart broken more than once.

Thumbing the chart in front of me, I fight the urge to page Calliope as I turn to the next page and sign my name. I have sited this chart a thousand times, always getting so far through it before getting lost in thought again.

"You should actually read that before you sign your life away." I hear a voice say to me and I turn to face the person before looking away again. I hadn't expected her to show up here, for her to be any where I was.

"Don't ignore me Ari, its been too long." The person said, and I turned to face her with a cold hard glare. I didn't know what to say to the person, so I picked up my charts and began to walk out of the room, pausing only when I felt her hand on my shoulder.

I shrug it off before moving past her and towards the nurses desk, where I was quick to drop the charts and go in search of Calliope. If there was anybody who could see me through this it was her.

……… Derek's P.O.V…..

Eleanor Shepherd was in the hospital. That was the first thing I had heard when I stepped out of the O.R. I had no idea what she was doing here, but I had a feeling that it wasn't something good.

Taking off my ferry boat cap and moving towards the scrub door I had to wonder why my sister had ventured here. She hadn't spoken to me for over 2 years. As it was just over 2 years ago that she had split from her girlfriend and stated that she was going to go work with Doctors without Borders. She had said something about needing to find herself and why she had first been interested in her field.

I still wasn't sure what her end result had been. All I knew was that she had a massive fight with her girlfriend. Her girlfriend who she was with for 5 years but he somehow managed to never meet. He had no idea how that had happened, and he couldn't even remember the girlfriend's name. All he knew was that she had been scared of families, and the fight had been over her not wanting to meet their family, and not letting El meet hers.

I could barely remember the discussion that she had with me. I couldn't remember whether it was because I was on my way to surgery and she had cornered me in the hospital, or whether it had been an intense phone call. Either way, I got the impression that the girlfriend had been ashamed of her relationship and that had been the end.

I moved quick to talk to the husband of my most recent patient before moving through the halls. I had already heard the whispers that there was another Shepherd in the building and I was almost sure that I heard another nurse state that it was my other wife. I couldn't help but chuckle at the thought. One wife had been enough for me, and I wouldn't swap Meredith for anyone ever again. I had made that mistake once and had learned pretty quickly that I couldn't live without her.

I see Meredith standing face to face with the woman who was now in my train of thought and I could tell by Meredith's stance that something was going down. I move quick to reach her and slipped my arms around her waist.

"What's going on here?" I asked as I quickly kissed her cheek and breathed her in.

"I'm getting the third degree." Eleanor answered before Meredith could.

"What?" I ask as I quickly turn Meredith in my arms and look down at her, tilting her head up to face me.

"She's another Shepherd." Was the first thing Meredith said.

"She's my sister." I quickly filled in.

"And she was hassling Arizona." Meredith quickly countered.

This took me by surprise and I looked to El. "What?" I asked as I quickly moved past Meredith to face up to my sister. I had no idea why I was doing this, but I knew that Mere and the girls didn't really need any problems.

"I was just trying to talk to her. She hasn't been answering her cell phone for the past 6 months. I just wanted to talk to her." El said defensively.

I looked at her questioningly even though I didn't really need to ask the questions in my mind.

"After 2 years you think someone would at least be happy to see you." El added.

I watched as Meredith's eyes looked really confused.

"Ari and you?" I ask even though its not needed.

"So much for the rings." She states as she points to the one on her hand. "But she always was ashamed of us… I should have realised she had taken them off."

"You and Ari?" Meredith asked as she pushed in front of me.

"It has nothing to do with you." I hear El dismiss her and I am quick to shake my head.

"She's my sister." Meredith said proudly.

"And she's my wife." El countered, taking both our breaths away.

...................pictures.............

................MERDITHS POV..............

"IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU." I COULDNT BELIEVE THAT SHE HAD SAID THOSE WORDS. SHE DEFINITELY HAD NO IDEA WHO I WAS, BUT WHEN SHE HAD SPOKEN THE WORDS. "SHE'S MY WIFE." THEY WERE LIKE A SLAP IN THE FACE. TALK ABOUT DE JA VU. I'M PRETTY SURE THAT THEY ARE THE SAME WORDS THAT DEREK TOLD ME WHEN HE CHOSE ADDISON. THE WORDS THAT HAD CUT ME TO MY CORE. IF ONLY SHE KNEW HOW MUCH THOSE WORDS COULD HURT.

I LOOK AROUND TO SEE WHO IS AROUND US TO SEE WHO ELSE COULD HAVE HEARD THE STATEMENT AND I SEE CALLIE STANDING THERE SLIGHTLY IN SHOCK, BUT WITH A DETERMINED ARIZONA HOLDING HER HAND.

"WIFE?" I ASK AS I FOCUS MY EYES ON ARIZONA. I FEEL DEREKS HAND ON MY SHOULDER AND I TURN, LOOKING UP AT HIM. "WHAT IS IT WITH YOU SHEPERD'S HAVING WIVES?" I ASK AS I GO TO PULL AWAY.

"DONT" DEREK TELLS ME AS HE MOVES TO WRAP HIS PROTECTIVE ARMS AROUND ME. "THIS ISNT ME. ITS NOT US."

I RELAX A LITTLE AT HIS WORDS, BUT I CANT SAY THAT IM NOT AFFECTED BY THIS. I TURN MY HEAD BACK TO LOOK AT MY SISTER.

'IM NOT YOUR WIFE." I HEAR HER SAY AND I KNOW THAT SHE IS TALKING TO ELEANOR. "IF I WERE YOUR WIFE, YOU WOULDNT HAVE PUSHED ME AWAY. IF I WERE, YOU WOULD HAVE LISTENED, AND IF I WERE, YOU WOULDNT HAVE LEFT."

I SEE MY SISTER LOOKING ALMOST BROKEN, AND YET STILL HOLDING ON TO CALLIE'S HAND. THIS IS ALL BRINGING BACK STINGING MEMORIES OF THE NIGHT WHEN ADDISON ROCKED UP, OF THE NIGHT HE CHOSE HER, OF THE NIGHT HE WALKED OUT WITH ROSE.

"THIS ISNT US." I HEAR DEREK WHISPER IN MY EAR AS HE KISSES THE SIDE OF MY HEAD.

"YOU WERE ASHAMED OF US." I HEAR DEREKS SISTER SAY AND I MOVE TO LOOK AT HER QUICKLY.

"NO" I HEAR ARIZONA SAY STRONGLY AS SHE BEGINS TO MOVE FORWARD EQUAL WITH ME.

I LOOK AROUND AND SEE THAT THE CROWD HAS GROWN.

"ARI" I SAY SOFTLY AND REACH FOR HER FREE HAND WHICH IS IN THE PROCESS OF BEING RAISED. ITS OBVIOUS SHE IS ABOUT TO SAY SOMETHING POINTEDLY.

I CATCH HER BY SURPRISE AND ITS WRITTEN ALL OVER HER FACE.

"NOT HERE" I TELL HER. "CONFERENCE ROOM."

SHE NODS BEFORE WLAKING TOWARDS THE CONFERENCE ROOM WHICH IS JUST DOWN THE HALL.

"ARIZONA." I HEAR ELEANOR SAY AND I TIRN TO LOOK AT HER SADLY. I CAN SE THAT SHE IS FEELING DEFEATED.

'WE... CONFERENCE ROOM" I TELL HER BEFORE TAKING DEREKS HAND AND LEADING HIM AWAY.

...............ARIZONA'S POV..............

I STAND FACING HER, FOR THE FIRST TIME IN 2 YEARS I AM STANDING ACROSS FROM THE PERSON I HAD THOUGHT I WAS GOING TO SPEND THE REST OF MY LIFE WITH.

SHE STANDS WITH HER HANDS ON THE TABLE. I CAN SEE THE SADNESS IN HER EYES AND I TRY NOT TO ACKNOWEDLGE THAT I AM THE REASON IT IS THERE, IT HURTS TOO MUCH TO.

"IF YOU HAVE CARED TO LISTEN BEFORE YOU WALKED AWAY. I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU THAT I HAD CALLED MY MOTHER, WHO HAD ALREADY DISOWNED ME, ONLY TO BE TOLD THAT SHE HAD LEFT. ONLY TO THEN FIND OUT THAT SHE HAD ALZHEIMERS. SO NO, I WOULDNT WANT YOU TO MEET HER, OF COURSE NOT, AND MY SISTER, I HADNT SPOKEN TO HER FROM THE MOMENT MY MOTHER HAD FREAKED ABOUT ME BEING GAY. SO HOW COULD YOU HAVE MET MY FAMILY IF THEY WERENT HERE." I SAY TO HER. I TRY TO KEEP MY VOICE CALM, EVEN THOUGH IT IS HARD. I KNOW THAT CALLIOPE IS STRUGGLING TO EVEN STAY HERE IN THE ROOM AND LISTEN TO THIS. I KNOW THAT SHE FEELS BETRAYED, BUT SHE HAS ALREADY PROMISED TO LISTEN AND HEAR ME OUT LATER WHEN WE HAVE A CHANCE TO BE ALONE.

"YOU PUSHED AND PUSHED ME, AND I TOLD YOU BEFORE AND I COULDNT BARE TO TELL YOU AGAIN. YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO BE ME. NOT WITH YOU AND YOUR PERFECT FAMILY, AND THE GETTING TOGETHER EVERY SECOND WEEK FOR DINNER. YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I DIDNT WANT TO MEET THEM? IT WAS BECAUSE I WAS SCARED. MY OWN MOTHER HAD DISOWNED ME, I COULDNT SPEAK TO MY SISTER, I WOULDNT HAVE KNOWN HOW, AND TO BE HONEST, WHY SHOULD I LOVE YOUR SISTERS WHEN I COULDNT BE WITH MY OWN."

AS I SAY THE WORDS I THINK BACK TO WHEN THIS WAS ALL WAY TOO HARD FOR ME. I REMEMBER FINDING OUT FROM THE FAMILY ATTORNEY THAT MY MOTHER HAD ALZHEIMERS, THAT SHE WASN'T LOOKING TOO GOOD, AND THEN AGAIN, WHEN SHE PASSED AWAY, IT WAS HE WHO HAD CALLED TO CONFIRM IT. I HAD BEEN DETACHED FROM MY FAMILY IN A WAY THAT I HAD NEVER THOUGHT I COULD BE, AND IT WAS ONLY NOW THAT I WAS ABLE TO TAKE THE TIME TO TRY AND FORM THE REATTACHMENTS.

"WE HAVE RINGS." I HEAR HER SAY. "RINGS THAT BOUND YOU TO MY FAMILY."

"RINGS TO SHOW OUR COMMITMENT." I REPLIED QUIETLY. "A COMMITMENT THAT YOU WALKED AWAY FROM."

I SEE HER DROP HER HEAD.

"I NEEDED TO THINK. I NEEDED HEAD SPACE. I NEEDED..." I HEAR HER SAY.

"YOU NEEDED TO GET AWAY FROM ME." I MURMUR.

'NO" SHE STATES AS HER HEAD SHOOTS UP. "I NEEDED TO MAKE SURE THAT THIS WAS EVERYTHING I WANTED... AND ITS NOT."

"THEN WHY ARE YOU HERE?" I ASK HER. TEARS ARE NOW STREAKING MY CHEEKS.

"FOR A SECOND CHANCE." SHE SAYS AS SHE LOOKS UP AT ME. "I CANT LIVE WITH OUT YOU." SHE TELLS ME.

MY HEART IS BREAKING FROM EVERYTHING THAT IM HEARING. I LOOK TO MEREDITH AND I CAN SEE THE WORRY ON HER FACE. DEREKS ARMS ARE WRAPPED AROUND HER, AND I CANT HELP BUT WONDER ABOUT HOW THEY GOT TO WHERE THEY ARE NOW.

" A SECOND CHANCE?" I FIND MYSELF ASKING AS I THEN MOVE TO LOOK AT CALLIOPE, THE ONE PERSON WHO HAD BEEN WITH ME, EVEN IF IT WAS ONLY FOR 3 WEEKS.

"YEAH." I HEAR HER SAY DEFLATEDLY, HER EYES FOLLOWING MINE.

"I...." I START, NOT SURE WHAT TO SAY TO HER. I DONT KNOW WHETHER I CAN GET PAST THESE PAST TWO YEARS WHERE I WAS LIVING WITH OUT HER, WHERE I HAD TO BE IN SOMEBODY ELSES ARMS TO FEEL SOMEWHAT SAFE.

"IF NOT, THEN... THEN YOU NEED TO SIGN THE SEPERATION PAPERS." I HEAR HER SAY AS SHE SLUMPS DOWN INTO THE CHAIR BEHIND HER. I CAN SEE THAT SHE IS EXHAUSTED AND AT A COMPLETE LOSS.

"HOW... HOW LONG ARE YOU HERE?" I ASK HER AND I LOWER MY EYES AWAY FROM HER.

"2 YEARS." SHE STATES WITH A SLIGHT SIGH. "I'M THE NEW CARDIO ATTENDING." SHE FILLS IN. "MY CONTRACTS FOR 2 YEARS, SO EVEN IF YOU SIGN... IM GOING TO BE HERE."

I NOD SLIGHTLY BEFORE LOOKING BACK AT A QUIET CALLIOPE, NOT BEING ABLE TO READ HER FACE, AND NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY TO HER. NOT KNOWING WHAT THERE IS THAT I CAN SAY TO HER.

I TOUCH MY RING THAT IS ON THE CHAIN AROUND MY NECK, THUMBING IT NERVOUSLY, KNOWING THAT THIS COULD VERY WELL BE ONE OF THE HARDEST DECISIONS FOR ME TO MAKE.

"PLEASE DONT SIGN." I HEAR EL ALMOST WHISPER AND I CANT HELP BUT WONDER WHETHER I REALLY WANT TO SIGN THESE OR NOT.


	27. Chapter 27

There is a time in a sister's life, when one would hope that the other, or recently others, would be there for you to help make a decision, or even help you by mulling over the recent events. However, it did not seem like she was going to receive that from either of her sisters. She knew that Lexie would probably be hiding away, not wanting to talk with her because Callie was Marks best friend and she was being loyal to that. But she could not understand why Meredith was avoiding her, why she had not seen her from the moment they had all walked out of the conference room.

Callie had told her that she needed time, and as much as she hated it, she couldn't blame her. The situation she was now finding herself in was a complete and utter mess, and it really was something that they needed to discuss, but she understood this need for space.

It wasn't as if she was technically married to Eleanor, they weren't legally able to, and to be honest, she wasn't sure she would have if she could. There had always been something about their relationship that made things seem too big, and the situation with her mother hadn't helped.

When she had called her mother to tell her about Eleanor, she hadn't expected the reaction that she had received. She had only just hit her last year of residency, and after being with El for 6 months, she figured it was time for her to "man up" and spill the beans. Of course, when her mother had cut her off, she had to face he own battle of finding her feet and fighting for her relationship, which had then hit the rocky patch.

She had tried to explain to Eleanor that her family was very different to the description that she had received of hers, but it didn't seem to make much of a difference, and she had continued to pester.

The signing of papers at the court house to state that they were living in a same sex relationship and were committed as life partners was something that had been a rite of passage, and was definitely the next step in their relationship. But it didn't matter. She couldn't bring herself to go sit with Elle's family and enjoy a meal, it had always felt weird when she had put her name on the Christmas cards alongside Elle's, and then to have the same fight every year about her not wanting to join Elle's family for Christmas was another was fight itself.

It seemed that no matter how she had explained it, that Eleanor was never able to understand the situation that they had both found themselves in. Had she loved Eleanor, yes she was sure of it. She had been her first love, and at one stage was going to be her last. She had been willing to give everything to be with that woman, and that included her relationship with her sister, and yet now, it didn't seem worth it. She had an amazing girl friend waiting for her. A hellish family situation which was still slowly building and a job that seemed to fit, in a place that had one stage been her home. She couldn't imagine giving that up now, not when the girlfriend she had felt so right, even if the timing had been so wrong. Not when the thought of not being in her arms was scaring her more than the fight that was going to come to maintain her grip on everything she had. She knew she didn't really need to think this decision through. Elle had made the decision for her 2 years ago, and she was pretty sure that the damage she had done with leaving was enough to keep her from ever trusting her again.

She had experienced loss, had experienced growing up with secrets, with a lack of trust... she had experienced a lot of things, despite what Meredith or the others may have believed, and now, now all she wanted was that safe feeling that she had when she slipped into Calliope's arms at the end of the night, or even looking into her eyes and knowing that there was something there that said that this was forever.

She knew that when everything was in perspective it would appear clearer to her, like neat words written on a page. The print making it definite, something that was easy to read.

Lost in my own thoughts, as i try to contemplate how to break out of the position that i am not only in, but that seemed to be encompassing others around me, i close my chart and take a quick swig from my coffee.

The warmth soothes me, but doesn't manage to pull me from the thoughts that still whirl around my head. It seems to add, making me wonder how i can survive this life i live.

I feel a hand rest upon my shoulder, a hand that i hadn't felt in a long time, or for what felt like a long time. I close my eyes and wait, not knowing what to say to them, and yet waiting for them to speak.

"If i had known your history with her, i wouldn't have asked her to come." Richard spoke to me, and i remain quiet not knowing what to say.

"This can't be easy on you, this can't be easy at all." He sighed before moving to sit down alongside me.

I tilt my head slightly to take in his look of concern before letting out a big grown and putting my head down against the table.

"Just talk to her Ari, i'm sure she will understand." He tells me and i shake my head slightly.

"I doubt it." I murmur before turning my head to look at him. "She wants me back, and Calliope's not talking to me and then i have Meredith who for some stupid reason can't even look at me."

"Ah...." Richard sounded before shifting slightly.

"You've never been told the full story about Derek have you?" Richard asked, and there was something in his voice that made me sit up and look at him.

"Well?" i ask as my eyes settled on him with great concern.

"Derek was married when he first moved out here, and well, Meredith didn't know." Richard started with a small sigh. I could see that he had been greatly affected by whatever happened, even if he hadn't made it known before. "She didn't know until Addison introduced herself to her..." he continued, and my stomach churned at the thought, as I was beginning to see a different side to my future brother in law, and the sister I was only now getting to know.

...........................pictures....................

She was sitting quietly at the bar, and I could remember clearly that night just a few weeks ago, when I had found her in a similar situation.

Moving towards the bar, and to where she sat, I rest my hand on her hip and feel her move uncertainly under my touch.

My thumb slips under her t-shirt and stroked the soft skin that I knew so well. It may have only been a few weeks, but it had felt like months. It felt like her body was my temple and that it what makes the upcoming events such hard ones.

"Can we talk?" I ask as I slip my arm around her waist before encouraging her to lean back into me.

"Talk" she replies in an almost dead voice and I know that I have caused this.

"Not here" I tell her before taking the drink from her hand and finishing what was left. I then step away from her and encourage her to stand. I then reach for her hand and lead her from Joes knowing that this could possibly be the last time we leave this place together.

...................pictures..............

Curled up on the couch across from her, relieved to be in the comfort of my own apartment, I try to think of the right words to use to tell her exactly what was going on inside of my head.

I watch as she shifts, drawing her legs to her chest, and I can't imagine what she is thinking. This is the second time tonight I have had to walk the tight line on love and pain, and it was the pain that I didn't want to inflict.

"You're going back to her?" I hear her ask, drawing me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I ask not sure if I have heard her correctly. My eyes widening.

"You are going back to her." She says, and the hurt is written all over her face. "I'd say I get it, but I don't." She adds as she moves to stand up. I quickly reach for her hand.

"No" I state as I grasp it and pull her back down on the couch. "No" I say again as I gain more courage to verbalise this.

"I'm not staying with her." I say as I swallow the massive lump in my throat. "I couldn't, I can't." I add. "It wouldn't be fair for either of us."

I watch as she bites her lip and shifts completely to be facing me, giving me her undivided attention.

"But we can't go on like this." I tell her, and I pray that she will hear me out. "Because this, this whole thing, it isn't fair to you." I tell her, and she quickly looks away and I have no idea what she is thinking.

"It's not fair to you because this shouldn't have happened. You shouldn't have been put in that position." I tell her.

"What are you saying?" I hear her ask as she began to withdraw from me.

"I'm saying that I shouldn't have done this to you, to someone who is turning out to be a major part of my life, I shouldn't have done this to you." I repeat, and I search her eyes.

"Ari" I hear her voice choke.

"I love you." I hear myself say, "And I know this isn't the ideal time to tell you, but I can't." I say as I try to maintain my strength. "I can't let this be who we are..." I choke out. "This cant... we can't..."

"We're over?" I hear her ask.

"Yes" I manage to say as I begin to wipe the tears from my eyes. "I...owe you more than this... you deserve more." I struggle and I feel her move off of the couch.

"Please cal." I say, begging her to let me finish.

"I don't need to hear the rest." She says and I watch as she also wipes her tears from her eyes.

"Please just..." I beg as I move quickly to stand in front of her. 'When we began, when this began...I was... I was fighting a war with in my self... and it... it held me back... El held me back." I stammer, desperation filling me. I move to grab her shoulders trying to keep her in front of me, listening to me, hearing me out.

"I'm end.... ending this... but not goodbye" I tell her. "I want... need to sort out so much.... and then... then I will be back.... back to do this right." I tell her. "I love you, and you deserve better so let... let me do this right.... let me have a do-over." I plead.

I can see the uncertainty in her eyes.

"Let me make this right. Do this right." I stammer as I drop my hands from her arm and step closer to her, my hand now coming up to wipe a tear from her cheek.

"Okay." I hear her murmur as she leans into my touch.

"Okay?" I ask and feel her nod against my hand.

"Okay" she says again softly and I lean up to kiss her. Her lips were tender and smooth.

"I want to do this properly, not yet, not now, but soon." I tell her when I pull back.

"Soon" I hear her echo and I know that this night has been painful, not just for her, but for Eleanor, my Ellie, El, my first, but not my last. Having signed the papers earlier may have freed us, but there was still so much that we needed to talk about, to sort out. She had been my best friend before she became my lover, my partner, and I am hoping beyond everything, that maybe, just maybe, we could get back to that.


	28. Chapter 28

Avoidance was a good strategy, a strategy that I would have lliked to maintain, especially if it meant not facing off with my sister who had obviously chosen Eleanor Shepherd over Callie. I hadn't even bothered to ask, there really was no need considering I had watched Arizona eat lunch with Eleanor.

I had watched as Callie had tried to hide her hurt at the site, even if she had shaken her head at Arizona's offer to sit with them, and instead sat with Mark.

Now, as I contemplate how someone can do such a thing, I fight hard to ignore my memories of Derek doing the same thing, but he didn't invite me to ever eat with them, he had just stared at me continuoulsy from across the room, and as often as he had approached me, I'd turn around and run because it just hurt too much.

I am positioned well in a conference room, busy, or am supposed to be. I'm charting, or am trying to, but I still can't turn off my head. Derek has already been into try and talk to me, but I was snappy, and I know I shouldn't have been, but these memories I have of him right now, make me want him to stay away.

I realise now that he had never apologised, either time, just found that I had supposedly forgiven his actions, and yet, I don't think I ever could, I have just been ticking on.

With that last thought I am ready to crumble. I know what Callie is going through, and it feels like its killing me more than its killing her, not that she isn't hurting, I wouldn't know.

I feel my eyes begin to water tiredly, the emotion writhing through my body as I slam my chart closed, now angry that this is affecting me as much as it is.

I am hating Arizona for what she has done, and Eleanor, for whatever part she has played.

I feel a tear slip down my cheek and move quickly to wipe it away. I don't want to be seen crying, I hate to cry. Just like I am hating Arizona and Eleanor right now. Im hating what this is, and their parts in it.

I hear the door to the conference room open and I move to open my chart again. I don't want to look up and see who has entered because I already have a feeling that its someone I really don't want to speak to.

"Are you done avoiding?" I hear Arizona ask as she clicks the conference room door closed and flicks the lock.

I still don't look up as I pretend to read over the chart that I had already signed off on.

"Fine, don't talk, but you can damn well listen." She stated, and I could hear the frustration in her voice.

"I'm not Derek, and I really don't understand how all this shit really affects you, but I do know why you are upset, but Meredith, I'm not Derek." She repeated, not exactly sure where she wanted to take her rant, and paused for a moment to just think about it.

"You are just the same." I state as I finally lift my head to look at her. "You are the same because you make people fall in love with you even though you are married. You have a wife Arizona, A wife that stops you from being with Callie, but that didn't stop you, oh no, I guess you were just looking for a bit of fun, but now I can see how it is. You used her to fill some desire you had while she was off playing doctor to the less fortunate." I say, my voice trmebling with my bottom lip and im not sure whether it is from the intense emotions that are curently consuming me, or my need to just cry.

"What you've done to Callie is completely un forgivable, not many relationships survive that, and its already obvious who you have chosen. She's the new train wreck for everybody to stop and see. You have no idea what its like to be in that position, she shut your face Ari, I don't even want to look at you." I yell, as I slam my chart closed knowing that this was going to be a big fight.

"Your just like him." I say again.

"And yet he ended up engaged to you." She says clearly as she sits her hands on her hips and tilts her head.

I close my eyes, her words echoing through my head. "It doesn't make it hurt any less." I reply as I try to rid my head of the memories. "We still have to see the ones we love with the people they have chosen, the least you could do is move hospitals to save Callie the heart ache of watching you together."

"What.... what are you talking about?" she asks and I can sense her confussion.

"You chose her and now you've broken Callie's heart." I say as I shift my focus back down on the chart in front of me.

"What... No." I hear her say quickly and I can hear the exasperation in her voice. "I didn't stay with her." She states.

"But you broke up with Callie and you ate lunch with Eleanor." I state as I try to keep the shock from my voice.

" I chose Callie." I hear her sigh, "but im not just going to pass up on my best friend either. We... El and I are trying to.. Not sort things out... but build our friendship back up... and Callie... not that its any of your business... but I'm.. We're... I'm going to do this right this time... I'm just... space and then do this right." She rambles, sounding very much like me.

"You... what?" I ask as I look up at her confused.

"I'm not Derek Mer, I'm going to be with Callie. I know my mistakes, and I know where my future is... but thanks for the assumption." She tells me and I hear her slump down in the chair as I push my chart away.

We are silent for a while, both not sure what to say to each other.

"Does he know you haven't forgiven him?" I hear her finally ask, and I let out a sigh. "No" I tell her as I look up with tears in my eyes. "He's left me twice already." I say as I look away, " can't... but, he's my future, I need him." I tell her as my eyes meet hers.

"I need him like a fish needs water." I tell her before putting my head in my hands, a sob crashing through my body.

"And he too, needs you." She whispers, and I suddenly feel her closer to me, her hand reaching over to grasp mine.

Again the silence over takes us, and I try hard not to cry even though I can't seem to stop myself. "You need to tell him how much this hurt you, otherwise you both can never completely move past this." She tells me as she moves to now encompass me. "He needs to know." She says before kissing the top of my head, moving so that she can hold me as I cry for everything that had been.

.................pictures...............


	29. Chapter 29

It had been a week since Arizona confronted me in the conference room. A week since i had broken down and cried over the fact that my fiancé, whom i love very much, had done similar acts to those of Arizona. However Arizona had chosen the one she loved in the moment rather than retreating to the old love of Eleanor.

Arizona had followed me around through the week, begging for me to talk to Katherine Wyatt about it, or even talk to Derek about why he had made the choice he had. I couldn't see how any of this mattered right now, as it seemed like everything was good between us, and it was. I loved him, and trusted him. I needed him. I had even told him so much on the night after my talk with Arizona. Had told him that my life wasn't worth a damn if he wasn't in it. He had smiled, kissed me softly, and gathered his thoughts, thinking that i must have just been pms-ing all day, and that was the reason for my previous grumpiness. We had returned to a significant version of us. Holding hands in the elevator. Small kisses after a surgery. Embracing each other in the hall when we were both pretty tired. All small things that showed each other our love.

But now, tonight, after finally promising Arizona that i would talk to him, and swapping shifts with Alex so that we could have the time needed to talk, i had gone home to change.

I put on my small black dress and strappy sandals. The outfit that i had worn the first night we had spent together. The first of many. It seemed fitting for what i was about to do. It seemed like we were going to go a complete full circle, and i needed for this to work. I needed for him to co-operate with me, and not to lose his temper when i explained exactly what was going on in my head.

Picking up my phone, i checked the time. I had already changed out plans once tonight. Derek had called just as i was leaving the hospital to tell me that he was being pulled into an emergency craniotomy. A craniotomy that I was sure that he could have palmed off to the Shadow, Dr Nelson, but he had taken it anyway, which almost made me think that he was feeling nervous about tonight, and rightfully so i guess, considering the fact that what i am about to do is big, really big in consideration to what i had planned initially. It didn't quite compare to the house of candles, but i knew that this moment would be bigger.

I look down at the ring on my finger, and know that it means that we are in this for the long haul. I just need to hope that he will take this leap with me tonight.  
I sent a text to Derek, telling him to meet me at Joes tonight. I had even called Joe, just moment s before, to get him to reserve the stools that we had occupied on that night. I had considered paying him out, to have him close the bar for the night, and leave it open to just us, but that was too huge and i doubted that it would even be possible.

The others had been told to move from the original location, and now, as asked, were all in booths at Joes waiting for me.

Taking one last look in the mirror, and seeing that i looked quite similar to that first night, i smile a small smile, turn to grab my purse, and run out of the house.

................................

I sit quietly, all eyes on me, well those from the booth anyway. I feel a small hand touch my back, and i turn to see a tall man, with Brown curly hair and greying eyes looking down on me. "What does it take to buy a drink little lady?" i hear him ask, and i roll my eyes. He was so not going to let up, she thought, as she saw the big grin on his face.

"I'm taken" I hear myself say, "and so is this seat." I add.

"I don't see anyone else here." The guy said, his voice moving from jovial to serious.

"Then you need to turn around." I hear a voice say, and i see Callie standing there. It was obvious that she had come over from her spot next to my sister, everyone watching on quietly. I see a few confused faces, but nothing more.

"And who are you?" he asks, as i watch him look Callie over.

"Her girlfriend." I hear her say, and i have to try hard not to giggle at the serious look she was giving him.

"Oh um...." the guy says as he starts to back away.

"Yeah thats what i thought." I hear Callie say sternly, and i wait till he leaves before i burst into a fit of giggles.

"I do believe i owe you one." I tell her before giving her a grateful smile.

"Nah." She says with a cheeky grin as she looks back to where Arizona, Lexie and Mark were sitting. "That would be your sisters job."

I giggle again before turning around. Callie heading back to her spot. I was glad that Arizona had asked Callie to come as her date. She didn't take as much space as Derek had when he had decided to go on his camping venture, a venture which i would have loved to have joined, and im glad for that. Callie was looking happier, and there was a sparkle in my sisters eyes that hadn't been there before.

I return to facing the front of the bar, studying my small glass in front of me. I had requested water, which was breaking tradition, and yet, i wanted to make sure that i was as sober as possible for this moment.

I feel a small hand slide onto the small of my back and turn around fast, thinking that it was the same guy from earlier coming back. Instead, this time i find a set of beautiful deep blue eyes looking down at me.

"Hey" he says with a tired grin. "Is this seat taken?"

I shrug my shoulders and smile at him before tilting my head up to receive his kiss.

"So..." he says, taking in my appearance. "Is this a re-enactment?" he asks, sitting down on the stool beside me.

"If you want it to be." I replied with a giggle, "but i don't normally kiss strangers."

I hear him chuckle at the concept before tilting his head slightly, his eyes full of emotion. "Mer what are we doing?" he asked. Looking up to see Joe moving in front of him, putting a single malted scotch in front of him, and a tequila shot in front of me.

"So..." I say as i move a hand nervously to his leg. "The first time we were here, i was about to start my internship, and you were married." I tell him, and i see him wince at the mention of that.

He lifts up his scotch and takes a sip.

"Then, you left me sitting here, waiting for you. I became a train wreck." I tell him.

I see his frustration as he puts the glass down, and runs his hand roughly through his hair. "Mer, what is this. Do you not want to get married now?" he asked.

"Shhh..." i sound my hand rubbing against his leg. "Hear me out." I tell him as i give it a slight squeeze. "This wont take too long." I promise.

I take my shot of tequila knowing that what came next hurt the most.

"Prom sex, came next, and then... then you came into our house, my house, and told me that you had loved me forever. I... you... you made me choose between you and Finn, and there really wasn't much of a choice, my heart knew what i wanted and ... and i chose you... but you walked away, thinking you were being the better man. Then, then you decide that you need space. That night, when you came back from your trip. I was standing at the counter of this bar, buying another drink. I had been having drinks with Mark, and he was telling my how well he knew you, and a whole heap of other stuff that i cant really remember. I was waiting for you to come home, and you waltzed right into this bar, to where we are sitting now, and you introduced yourself to me, wanting me to give you another chance, and i did." I say as i close my eyes slightly and think about what happened next.

"Then, a course of bad events happened, my mom, thatcher, my drowning. I fought to come back to you, and you had changed in the process. I just... we both had changed, and you weren't absent. Not at first any way. You were there, but your heart wasn't. And then we broke up. And it killed me because you were everything that i wanted, but i was scared to love you because as much as i pushed you away, you kept walking away." I tell him , wiping a stray tear from my eye.

"I loved you, in a way that scared the shit out of me, and i had told you that before. This love i have for you, and had for you back then. It was huge. We got back together, despite my limitations, and we may not have been officially together, but you still... you held my heart Der. And then Rose happened, and for a change, i didn't drink my sorrows away and sleep with inappropriate men, i decided to fix me, so i could fix us, because i was partly to blame for some of this, but not all of it."

"The night of the house of candles, that was something i could never have seen me doing before you. It was my grand gesture to show you just how much i loved you, and it was me telling you that i was going to try and trust you. And i do. You have moved in, put this big shiny ring on my finger, and i love it, i do, and i love you..." i say as i run off.

"Why do i feel a but coming on?" he asked with a sigh and turned his focus back on the glass and i knew that this was too painful for him. Too painful to consider what he may have done wrong, that he had been in the wrong for some of this. That he was partly to blame for the yo-yo that had been us for so long.

"When Eleanor rocked up, she stirred up... she stirred up some bad memories. Some hurtful memories." I add. "She... You never said sorry.... you never asked for my forgiveness... you didn't... when you picked Addison... when you walked away... when you picked Rose... you never said sorry, you just assumed that i had already forgiven you... and i realised the other day... i realised that i haven't." I tell him and i move my hand off of his leg, and use two hands to grasp the glass of water in front of me. I shakily lift it up to allow me to have a drink.

"What are you saying Mer?" he asked. "Do you want this over?"

"I... I'm saying" i start, just after swallowing my water, not believing that i had moved this to a bar. "I'm saying that if we are going to get married. If you are going to be my husband. You... you need to acknowledge that you have hurt me... and you... you need to promise never to walk away again... because... i .... i don't think i can handle it if you did." I tell him as i place my glass back down on the bar, and nervously look up at him, tears shining in both our eyes.

He sits there staring at me, and i have no idea what he is thinking or what he is going to say. I watch as he bows his head, pressing it against the bar as Joe sits a fresh drink in front of both of us. "No more." I tell Joe and he nods.

"Oh God" he sounds as he body shakes, and i put my hand on his shoulder and squeeze it.

I bring myself to lean forward, and rest my head there and whisper in his ear. "I love you Der." And wait to see what he is going to do.

We stay like that for a moment, and i can see the concerned looks on the faces of those that were sitting on the booths waiting for us.

"Oh God Mer, i'm so sorry... so sorry." He says as he struggles to sit up, and quickly wiped the tears from his eyes. "I'm so sorry" he says again, and i grip his face and kiss him, and i could feel my heart healing with his words. I knew that it was going to take a little more than his words to heal the hurt that he had done before, but it was enough. It was enough for now.

"Marry me." I murmur as i pull away. "Marry me now." I say, and i can see the confusion on his face.

"But" he starts and i silence him with another kiss.

"Please don't back out." I tell him, and i know he can see the certainty on my face.

"Are you ready?" he asks, and i give him a nod.

"Ok." He says and then his eyes boggle a little. "We cant, the city hall is closed." He tells me, and there is a disappointed look on his face.

"We can." I tell him, and i gesture over to the booths where he can now see his mother and sisters sitting with a somewhat confused look on their faces. Then, in the next booth he could see my family, Lexie and Arizona, sitting with Mark, Callie and my Dad. My friends filling the next booth.

"How?" he asks, looking completely oblivious.

"I'm a JP." He hears Joe say from behind him.

"License?" he asked.

"Done" I say, as i point to the piece of paper that was sitting on the otherside of the bar. "So what do you say?" i ask nervously.

I didn't hear an answer, and i look back to him confused. He was sitting their quietly just watching me. Suddenly he pulls me in and gives me the biggest kiss ever. "Oh god i love you Mer." He murmurs as he pulls away. "Lets... lets do this."


	30. Chapter 30

It had been an hour since Meredith had stormed me with the story of us. With the ins and outs of our relationship. It has been 40 minutes since i told her that i was sorry, and only 30 minutes since i had told her that i would marry her in the here and now. Everything else since then had just been completely insane. It had been a blur of faces when i had first looked over at the tables that Meredith had gestured to. My heart had filled with disbelief as i could see my sisters watching curiously.

After agreeing to a marry Meredith, she had grinned, gave me another hug, and threw back her second shot of tequila. We had then gone over to see our families who were sitting there. Mark had surprised me by handing my red shirt and black dress pants while Meredith had nervously stood talking to her sisters, as well as greeting my own family. I had no idea how they had managed to come out here for this. I recall now someone saying that Meredith had asked Mark to get them to come. I couldn't believe though that they had ditched their busy schedules, and left the kids to come out here for the off chance that there would be a wedding.

Now, being changed and dressed in the clothes that Meredith had Mark give me, i stand next to Richard, listening to him talk warmly to my mother. It was weird to think that he was going to be my father in law. I knew my mother didn't understand that they were related, because nothing was said to her last time that she was here, but i knew that she would want an explanation on the relationship later. It is almost time, or so i have been told. There is a mock alter set up on the stage where Joe occasionally runs open mic night. There are now some Tulips in a vase there, and Joe is now standing up there in a suit. He moves to stand in front of the microphone and clears his throat, drawing the attention of the many patrons. "Derek" he says loudly. "Can you come on up here?"

I look around to see many faces turning to look at me. Most of the people here are people that work up at the hospital. They look familiar, but most of them i don't really know. Its sad to think that i have worked alongside these people for over 2 years and that i still don't really know them.

I nod my head and give my mom a quick kiss on the cheek before heading up on the stage. "For those of you who don't know." He heard Joe say as he stepped up onto the stage. "Derek and Meredith met in this bar just over 2 and a half years ago. She was looking for a quiet night, and he was looking for a friend. This is where their story first began." He announced and everyone began to cheer. "Now i don't know the ins and outs to this crazy love story, but i do know that tonight we are honoured to have them get married, here, in front of you all today."

I tried to hide the blush that was creeping onto my face. It was hard to hide it when you knew it was there. Then suddenly a song came on, and it caused me, and everybody else in the room to completely stop.

_There's something 'bout the way  
The street looks when its just rained  
There's a glow off the pavement  
Walk me to the car  
And you know i wanna ask you to dance right here  
In the middle of the parking lot yeah _

My eyes focus on Meredith standing at the back of the room. She moves slowly through the crowd. I find that the tune slowly fades out , or as far out of my head as it can be while it still plays. I can hear her voice asking politely to get through. My eyes on her the whole way.

_Where driving down the road  
I wonder if you know  
I'm trying so hard not to get caught up now  
But you're just so cool  
Run your hands through your hair  
Absent mindedly making me want you  
_

I smile widely as she reaches the stage, my hand taking hers, and its only now that i notice the small purple tulip in her hands. "You look amazing" i murmur as i kiss her softly and turn to Joe, not sure how he is exactly going to do this.

_And i don't know how it get better than this  
You take my hand and drag me heard first fearless  
And i don't know why but with you i'd dance in a storm  
In my best dress fearless _

Joe starts moving through the steps of what is now my wedding, and there is no way i can possibly take my eyes off of Meredith who is looking so beautiful right now. I am still completely amazed that she has organised this. My sisters, my mother, everything, right down to the flowers. I hear Joe question me about taking Merediths hand in marriage and I say quietly and "I do" and i vaguely hear him as he prompts Meredith for the same.

_So baby drive slow  
Til we run out of road in this one horse town  
I wanna stay right here in this passengers seat  
You put your eyes on me  
In this moment now capture it,  
Remember it _

On being cued for vows, i almost feel myself panic, until i hear Meredith clear her throat and announce that she wants to go first, that she has something she wishes to say. I feel her squeeze my hand and my eyes never waver from hers as she begins.  
"Our love is like the ocean, sometimes calm, sometimes rough, and at other times fearful." I hear her say, and i wonder how long has it taken for herself to prepare these words, and i can see as she bites her bottom lip that she is trying hard not to ramble. "Our love is never ending, even when we fight. I cant imagine my world without you in it, like the world could not survive without water. I... you are my ocean, my home, the other part of me. I promise to always love you, whether things get stormy, or deadly quiet, right until the end. You are my knight." She finishes, and i can see that it has taken a lot for her to have not rambled, and i can see her lip trembling now with nerves.

_cause i don't know how it gets better than this  
You take my hand and drag me head first fearless  
And i don't know why but with you i'd dance  
In a storm in my best dress, fearless. _

I don't recall what my vows were, all i know is that everyone is cheering as I hear Joe announce that we are now Man and Wife. "You may kiss the bride" slips past his lips, and all i can think now is that this has happened, that i really am not married to Meredith Grey, or is it now Meredith Shepherd. Slowly i pull her towards me, her arm moving to wrap around the back of my neck, a big grin on her face.

_well you stood there with me in the doorway  
My hands shake  
I'm not usually this way but  
You pull me in and im a little more brave  
It's the first kiss,  
Its flawless,  
Really something,  
It's fearless _

"Married" I hear Meredith murmur, as people in the pub wolf whistle and call for us to kiss again. I chuckle as i hear Joe then present us as "Dr's Meredith and Derek Shepherd."

My arms slips around her waist, and we move down off the stage, congratulations being thrown everywhere as people come up and pat me on the back. I move through, the crowd, still holding Meredith tight as we move towards our family. I have to remember its no longer just mine or hers, but now ours.

I can see my mother beaming, and Richard looking like a proud daddy, and i would never have imagined this scene just a month before when i was first given my mothers ring. I can see my sisters standing close together, with Eleanor looking between us, and towards Arizona. I can only imagine how she is feeling, but then again, i can remember how i felt when i had seen Meredith with finn. "I love you." I hear Meredith say, from her spot beside me, and i cant help but look down at her and smile, pausing to push a kiss on to her lips, loving her even more than i had this morning. "I love you too."

_oh yeah  
And i don't know how it gets better than this  
You take my hand and drag me head first fearless  
And i don't know why but with you i'd dance  
In a storm in my best dress fearless. _


	31. Chapter 31

We hadn't intended to stay long at the bar, especially after the wedding. All i had wanted to do was to take my new husband home with me, to hold him tight and make love to him. That was one of the perks of our relationship; of course i then had to explain to him that for the next couple of nights, his land would be our home, although he reminded me later that it had now become our land. We had allowed ourselves an hour with our families before we left. It was just enough time for me to actually meet Dereks other two sisters. I had met Nancy before, and meeting her again seemed to be just as awkward. I also knew Eleanor, and she was only here because i had invited the rest of the family. The others didn't know the connection between her and I, although it seemed that Kathleen, the family psychologist, and Dereks older sister, had recognised Arizona from an old photo Eleanor had. Kathleen had been a pleasant surprise, and i had been sure that she was on the verge of 'shrinking' me especially after my display at the bar when Derek had first arrived. Marcia was the sister that had surprised me the most. She appeared to look much like Derek, but seemed to be a lot more carefree in some regards. That had been surprising to me as Derek had already explained that she had been going through a lot lately with her hospital merging with another. She had been fighting hard to keep her oncology position. Derek had mingled with his sisters, and i had watched on with interest from my spot beside Arizona, Lexie and Callie, having branched away from him when Mark had gone over to talk to them too. I didn't mind escaping to my sisters, especially when i could see Arizona and Callie having an important discussion with Lexie. I only ended up spending a little bit more time with them as it seemed that Derek was pulling me back towards his family every so often, and trying to get the rest of my group to mingle with them too. Once i had the chance to explain to him that we would be spending the following afternoon with them he relaxed a little, especially when his mother had announced that the 15 nieces and nephews of his would be there too. I had then somehow managed to drag him home – to the trailer that is. I had organised for a limo to pick us up so we could do the just married thing and hitch the lift home. We technically hadn't drank too much at the bar during our night. I had stopped at the 2 shots, and Derek had gone on to something lighter after having stated that he wanted to be in a fit enough state for our night packed full of activites. He obviously hadn't been paying too much attention to my yawns, especially when her emphasise the night full sentence. I didn't have the heart in me to tell him that i wouldn't be able to make it through the night. That had been then followed by us stumbling into the trailer, our hands on each other, and i thought maybe i might be able to see this whole night through. But as we reached out peaks and tumbled over a wave of exhaustion had taken over me and without withdrawing from him, my head met his chest and i fell asleep. Now of course, as i think back on that night, we really should be making up for it today. Tomorrow had come too soon, and now his family were surrounding me. I knew my own wouldn't be too far away, and that would be another event in itself. I had no idea how Richard had managed to give Lexie and Arizona the day off. As it was, Eleanor was already there, and was moving around with her sisters. It was obvious that she was explaining something to them. They were occasionally casting looks my way, which made it quite obvious that they were talking about me. I stood beside Derek, cuddling into him, needing to be close to him. I didn't want to admit that i was scared about approaching his family. I didn't do families, well i didn't use to, until i gained my own. Now i had no real idea how they worked. Mine was slowly growing, and i was adjusting to the way it was. "So who else is coming dear?" I heard Dereks mom ask as she brought us both a drink. We had already taken her for a walk around the land, and Derek had told her about where i built the house of candles, and ideas that he had for the land. "Well" Derek said as he looked to me, the truth being that he didn't really have any idea. "My sisters Lexie and Arizona will be here. As will Dar, I mean Richard, well he will be here later. He said something about delegating to Owen, and well Mark should be here after his surgery." I rambled quickly, the nerves taking over me, as i looked up to see Marcia approaching us. "None of your friends from last night?" Dereks mom asked curiously and i shook my head. "Izzie said something about scans, George is trying to get in on more trauma, Christina is monitoring Eleanors cardio patients and i do believe Callie may possibly be joining us later, but it depends if Arizona is still here." I explained. I watched as Dereks mother thought over everything i had just said, and it was obvious that she was about to ask another question when Marcia stepped up and put a hand on Dereks shoulder. "Whats up Marcie?" he asked, and i smiled at the softened tone he seemed to use for his younger sister. "Is Arizona coming back today?" she asked as she rested her head against his shoulder. "Yeah" Derek said as he looked towards me. "Oh ok." Marcia said as she nodded into him. I didn't want to interrupt, so i opted to stay out of the moment. I knew why she was asking, it was obvious that the sisters were all worried about Eleanor, and i was sure that at one stage i would have cared enough, especially knowing what it was like to see the one you love with someone else, but she had been absent, and from all discussions with Arizona, they had been trying to regain their friendship, that they had lost all those years ago. Which seemed to be going well, well that was what Arizona had said. "Marcie, El is a big girl, and Arizona has just as much right to be here as she does, so please, tell the girls to back off. We don't need to shake up any ill feelings." He said before pressing a kiss to the side of her head. "Ok" Marcia sighed before looking pointedly at Meredith. Her eyes then falling before heading back over to the others. "It's not half obvious the point of that conversation." I mumbled to him before dropping his hand and pulling away. I could see the worry and confusion in his eyes as i forced a smile. "I'm just... I will just be down by the lake." I tell him as i kiss his cheek quickly. "I love you." I murmur just after doing so before i turn my back to walk towards the lake. Walking away from the sisters –in – laws who obviously had a problem, away from the kids who were running around the trailer and playing hide and seek, and away from their fathers who had decided to sit in a circle and not take any risk with the whole talking to their wives, or being associated with the kids who were squealing. ...........................................pictures.....................................pictures....................................................... I approached her slowly knowing that she was obviously lost in thought. I could understand her confusion or moreover frustration with the fact that my sisters were very pushy and not very open-armed about Arizona being here after all Eleanor was heartbroken, but it had been from her own doing and i had just finished explaining that to them. They needed to understand that Arizona while not being completely free of blame, was not the only person in the wrong in this situation, and as far as he could see it, Eleanor clearly was the one who was. I slip my arms around her waist bringing one hand to rest on her stomach as I use my other hand to stroke her arm. I press a soft kiss to her shoulder before pulling her back against me. Not that i really had to, as she had already began leaning back into me. "They hate me." I hear her say as she continues to look out over the lake. "They don't." I reply as i kiss the side of her head. I can only imagine what she must be thinking and really feeling about this whole situation. We stay like this for a few minutes, both of us lost in our own thoughts. Both basking in the warmness of the unusually sunny day. "The kids want to go swimming in the lake." I tell her. "I told them i don't know whether the water is warm enough but the others seem to think its a good idea." I quickly look back to my family and see them organising the kids into swimmers, some grabbing their clothes and heading inside the trailer, while others just changing their toddlers there. It amazed me how prepared my family was. They had swimmers and floaties just packed away in case an occasion like this came along. I feel her shiver slightly at the thought of going swimming and im not completely sure what the real reason for the shiver is. Could she be feeling the coolness of the water already, or was there something else? "I've already called your sisters. They said that they would love to take a dip. They are coming prepared. Just leaving home." I add as i turn back to look out across the lake, giving her a slight squeeze. "So do you want to?" I ask. "Want to what?" she asks sounding completely oblivious. "Swim Mer, do you want to swim?" I ask, giving her a quick squeeze. "I oh.... ummm..." she started, and i move to turn her so that she is now facing m. I search the look in her eyes and i notice the fear that is hidden there. "I haven't" she started and i moved quick to cut her off. "You haven't been swimming ince the ferry accident?" i state, not really needing to question it as i can see the answer in her eyes. "It's ok." I add reassuringly, moving to drop a kiss on her forehead, my hand now cupping her cheek. "You don't have to if you don't want to" I tell her and hope that she can see that i am not going to pressure her. "No its ... I can do this." She says and gives a nod before biting her lip. The determination may have been in the statement, but the nervousness was obvious in the biting of her lip. "I'll be with you the whole time." I promise her before wrapping an arm around her and pulling her close, her head moving to now rest on my chest. I don't really want to think about the ferry accident, or the year that followed, but with the fear in her eyes, and the occasional slight shiver that runs through her body, I am having trouble shaking the images from my mind. 


	32. Chapter 32

**sorry this took so long - had no idea how to fully write this scene - had gotten a little blocked with this fic - enjoy **

I had waited for Meredith to change into her swim suit. It was one that I hadn't seen since before the ferry accident. She had bought it in the beginning just so she can leave it here. As it was, we had spent a few days off swimming in the lake. She of course was surprised that I still had it, especially after all that had gone on between our break ups and me being with Addison and Rose. I had managed to hide her things in a small black duffle bag under my side of the bed. It had definitely been a big risk, not so much for Rose, but it was definitely with Addison.

I looked to where the curtain was pulled to separate the kitchen area from the bedroom and listened carefully for any noise that may have been coming from the room. Meredith had been taking a long time to get ready, longer than usual and I was starting to wonder whether it was her fear of getting back into the water that was taking her so long. "Mer" I call out, hating that I can't see her when usually we watch each other change.

"I'll be out in a minute." I hear her reply and see the curtain move slightly as she moves around behind it.

Finally I see her pull back the curtain that separates us and I smile appreciatively at the view. There in front of me was Meredith's beautiful body clad in a simple black bikini. I could make out the thin line of her appendectomy scar as me eyes travelled over her.

"Are you sure about this?" I hear her ask and I give a quick nod as I close the distance between us. I can't hide the excitement from my face as I smile down at her. "It will be great." I promise as I lower my head to meet her in a reassuring kiss. My mind moving to flash with images of Meredith's body clinging to mine. "You can hold onto me in the water if you want." I offer with a cheeky grin as I feel her fingers move through my hair before she pulls me in for a deep searing kiss.

My hands move down her back before the cup her small arse, dragging her core closer to me. She moves her hips against mine and I can't stop to hide my arousal. I wish more than ever right now that my family wasn't outside by the lake.

I feel her arms move to grip my shoulders as I lift her so she can wrap her legs around me. I then move to pres her up against the small bathroom door, her core rubbing over my throbbing arousal.

I free one of my hands bringing it between the two of us as I move it into her bikini bottoms. I feel her dripping completely wet. My actions cause her to moan as her body bucks into my hand.

I pull my hand away as I fight temptation to take her right here. I then quickly bring my hand up so I can taste her, smiling seductively as I then return to kissing her, letting her taste the sweet traces of her on my mouth.

Suddenly the door to the trailer opens and I hear a quick "oh sorry" and look to see a flustered Richard as he back out of the trailer.

I shake my head as I vividly recall the time Richard had entered my trailer just after Meredith had mounted me. I realise now how awkward it was then, and is now that we know that Richard is Meredith's father. I feel Meredith bury her head into the crook of my neck. It is obvious that she is feeling embarrassed. I encourage her head up so I can see the blush spreading over her cheeks. "Oh God" I hear her moan as I lower her legs to the ground, still keeping my arms around her.

"Thank God we were only kissing." I say without really thinking, a small smile playing on my mouth as I lean into press a kiss to her forehead.

"Der" I hear her groan and I pull back to look down at her, I try to hide my amusement at her combination of being aroused and embarrassed at the same time.

"So now I know what it feels like to be walked in on by my father." She states and I chuckle lightly as I watch her squirm. "I don't think I can go out there now." She confides.

"It was only a kiss." I murmur knowing that it was on the verge of being so much more. I then reach behind us to grab the towels I had organised for us.

Stepping back towards Meredith, I take her hand, encouraging her to link fingers with mine as I prepare to lead her outside.

When I finally open the door we come face to face with Richard who is looking quite embarrassed as well. "Sorry" I hear him quickly say again and I notice that he can't bring his eyes up to meet mine.

"It was just a kiss." I say to him as I repeat what I had just said to Meredith. "A kiss between husband and wife"

"My daughter." He mumbles as if to justify his embarrassment.

"And I told you last time that you just walked in to the trailer that it would be safer to knock." I remind him and I notice that he is almost ready to run.

"Did you need something from inside?" I ask, wanting to know why he had come up to the trailer in the first place. He had arrived just as we had gone to change.

Meredith's head was now burrowed into my chest as she tried to hide her embarrassment further.

"Your mother wanted me to collect some spare towels just in case they were needed." He informs me and I look to see that they had all migrated to the pier.

"I'll just get some." I state quickly as I pull back from Meredith, dropping a kiss to her head before I head back inside the house for more towels, leaving Meredith alone with her father.


	33. Chapter 33

I had watched as Meredith sat down on the edge of the pier. I could see her slowly putting her feet into the water. The whole time my family sat oblivious to the nerves and the fear shared by both of us, as i was nervous and i could see that she was fearful. Most of the kids were already in the water, the younger ones much closer to the shore, while Kath's twins and Nancy's eldest daughter were playing with a beach ball not too far away from us. My sisters and their husbands hung closer to the little ones, watching them carefully even though their swim safe vests would keep them afloat.

I sit down beside Meredith taking her hand in mine. I cant imagine how hard this is or her. All i know is that i don't want to leave her side right now. I am anticipating a freak out – not sure of the seismic level that it could be, but im guessing that it could very much lead to a panic attack, something that had occurred several times in the duration of our relationship. Im a bit worried though that it will happen once she gets into the water, and i know it would be much safer if it happened when she was out.

Richard had brought the spare towels down that i had gotten him and had returned to sit with my mother. I knew that he was watching us closely as i could feel his eyes on us, even though he was supposed to be paying full attention to my mother and whatever she had decided to talk to him about.

I look back at the sound of an oncoming car, and i see Arizona pulling in with Lexie beside her. It was funny to see her in her jeep wrangler with the top off, of course it would have looked very bizarre to most Seattle locals as both girls were driving around in bikini tops with nothing else on.

"Your sisters are here." I tell Meredith as i press a kiss on her shoulder, as i pull away she moves her head to rest upon mine.

We continue to then sit in silence with me being not sure what we should do now. Surely everyone had noticed that we hadn't made it into the water yet and if i knew my nieces and nephews then it wouldn't be long until the make us get in.

Pulling away from Meredith, i move to slide into the cool water, moving to then stop in front of her. The water is at my arm pits and my feet firmly on the ground.

"Is it cold?" she asks, and i nod slightly, my body had not fully acclimatised to the water. I place my hands on her legs, rubbing them slightly, easing the cool water over them. I watch as the goose-bumps form over her skin.

There is laughter surrounding her, from the others, from her sisters, who had now made their way onto the pier. They hadn't reached us yet, and i didn't want to have them disturb this moment as i work to get her trust back in the water.

I pull her hips gently towards me, easing her slowly into the water. Her arms going straight around my neck, as her legs wrap around my waist.

"I've got you." I whisper into her ear, as my arms wrap around her and hold her tight.

I feel her body shiver from the water as it now encompasses us.

I feel her head burrow into my neck, and i move away from the pier slowly, just holding her close, not wanting to let go, and knowing that its highly likely that i wont, not today anyway.

There is a large splash, and water flies over us, and i look up to see Arizona and Molly resurfacing. It is obvious that they were the ones who had just jumped into the water.

Their eyes look over at us curiously and i see Lexie whisper something to Arizona, and they both swim off together, and its obvious that they have decided to just leave us alone for the moment.

Meredith slowly lifts her head, and i watch as she grips my shoulders tighter, especially when she realises how far away from the pier we have gotten.

"It's okay." I promise her, and i encourage her to look me in the eyes. My hand runs up and down her back as i aim to reassure her. "I've got you. I won't let you go." I tell her as i then lean in to capture her lips.

The kiss is intended to reassure her, and i feel her body slowly relax into mine, my grip loosening slightly.

She pulls away slightly and smiles, and moves to kiss me again. It is only then that i realise that this was probably the perfect distraction for her. I smile against her lips before i pull away, my hands now on her hips.

"I love you Mer." I tell her softly, as she moves to rest her head against mine.

"I love you too." She manages to say before she disappears from right in front of me.

My eyes widen in fear, before i feel a leg kick against mine and i reach under to feel her struggling against something.

I can hear laughing coming from the guys as i pull a wide eyed, choking Meredith back up to the surface of the water.

Not long after she surfaces, tears streaking down her face does James, Nancy's husband.

I cant hide my anger, as i feel Merediths body shaking against mine with fear. I let go of her briefly as i move to punch him hard, and i feel his nose buckle under the impact of my fist. I then turn, ignoring the shock gasps coming from anyone, as my grip tightens around Meredith, and i slowly move my way to the shore, Meredith still in my arms as i walk away from my family, and my brother in law who is now bleeding profusely, towards Richard, who is waiting with a towel for Meredith, and a worried look on his face.

I can hear Nancy coming after us, so i simply grab Meredith's towel from Richard and keep walking towards the trailer, and away from the idiots, my hands rubbing Meredith's back as she continues to choke and splutter on the water that she had swallowed.

"I've got you." I tell her, as i then move into the trailer, locking the door behind me and blocking out everyone who had come after us. I don't care about them, as all i can see right now is the fear in Merediths wide eyes, and all i can feel is her cold body in my arms. I shake the images of her being lifeless and blue from my head as i sit her down on the edge of the bed, and wrap the towel around her as i do everything i can to calm her down and dry her off.


	34. Chapter 34

It must have been an hour later – an hour having calmed down, and having managed to ease Meredith into a shower, and then back to bed. She had dozed fretfully at first, but now seemed to be in a deep relaxed sleep.

I had been laying there, holding her close, to scared to let her go, not even wanting to look at the knuckle that i had busted on my brother in laws face.

I had forgotten about everyone from the moment Meredith had disappeared under the water, and it had only seemed logical to punch James. I couldn't believe that he had been stupid enough to do such a thing.

I had heard Nancy knock on the door several times before it was announced by Kathleen that they would be taking James to the hospital, following through with a thank you for traumatising the children.

Now, however, when there was a knock on the door, i laid there and pretended not to hear it. That was of course before i heard my mothers voice calling out to me through the door.

Sadly i look to the still sleeping Meredith, and slowly pull away from her. I know i should probably go talk to my family, but i don't really have the desire to. I lean forward and kissed Meredith on the forehead before moving off of the bed, carefully not to disturb her.

I reach the door in just a few quick strides and wrench the door open to find my mother and Richard standing there. I can see Lexie, Mark, Arizona and Callie sitting in the back ground down by the pier.

"Meredith is sleeping." I say straight away, not wanting to let them into the trailer, so i step forward, causing them to step back and i pull the door closed behind me.

We all stand there quietly, and i wait, wondering why it is that they have disturbed me.

"I'm sorry about what happened to Meredith Derek." My mother opens. "Richard explained about her drowning. The others know, and they are sorry too."

I look around, and still cant see any trace of my own family. "If they were here i might actually believe that." I tells her as I moves to sit down on the hammock.

"Derek please." My mother started and then stopped, i can see that she is changing her approach.

"Callie reset James's nose, and now they are all back at the hotel showering and changing. We are... we all hope that you and Meredith can join us for dinner. Richard has told us a nice Italian restaurant that we can go to, and Merediths siblings are welcome too, and her friends. I have already called through and reserved their private function room."

"Mom I" i start, not really wanting to face my sisters or their families right now.

"Please Derek, we leave tomorrow." She pleaded with me, and i eventually nod, knowing that i wouldn't be able to see them off tomorrow as i had work.

"Ok." I hear myself say. "But im not apologising for punching James." I tell her as i fold my arms across my chest and look between Richard and my mother.

Richard nods approvingly, and i see my mother frown at my stubbornness. "Seriously Derek, he didn't know any better."

"It doesn't matter." I say defiantly. "He should have just left us alone.

"If i was there i would have hit him too." I hear Mark say, and i notice that the others had somehow made their way up to us.

"Dinner is at the La Spiga at 7, you have a few hours to get ready." My mother informs me, before slumping down into the chair not far from me. "Now tell me how is Meredith."

"You care?" i ask, almost shocked, but knowing that i really shouldn't be.

"She's my daughter in law, of course i care." She states defensively, and i again nod slightly.

"You seemed more concerned about getting my to agree to dinner." I told her before running a hand through my hair, feeling Mark put a hand on my shoulder in comfort.

"She's asleep." I start off. "Shaken from being forced under water, she's okay for now, but that doesn't mean she will be later. We will see how this sleep goes." I say tiredly.

We sit quietly, and all i want to do is go back inside to Meredith.

Slowly Arizona and Callie begin talking, with Callie informing how impressive the break is that i inflicted. While Mark and Lexie talk quietly to Richard about something that they seemed to have planned recently. I wasn't completely sure whether i had actually heard the words moving in, and apartment in the same sentence.

I have no idea how long we sat out there, my new family drawing me into random conversations while my mother watched on, occasionally contributing.

The sky had started to dim, as night slowly looked to be moving in. Looking at my watch i am shocked to see 6:30 roll in.

"Dinner is at 7." I state, and the others nod. "Then i better wake Mer. It's already 6:30." I tell them and i watch as they quickly hurry to leave, knowing that they all will be heading back to town. My mother kisses my cheek, and the others promise me that they will see me soon. I turn back to the trailer after watching them drive away. On moving inside, i find a barely awake Meredith, cuddled up to my pillow, and i smile at her, knowing that we will be able to make it through this night, and the many ahead of us.


	35. Chapter 35

After doing my best to reassure Derek that I was indeed fine and okay to go out for dinner we proceeded to get changed. It was a shame really that we needed to be going anywhere really considering the fact that I really was in no mood to put up with Derek's family, especially after what had happened that afternoon. I had made a point of checking his knuckles, noting the slight swelling and cut on his pointer finger. He refused to let me do anything to it for the moment but assured me that I could do anything I wanted to it when I got home.

Taking his good hand in mine, it is now that I find myself walking into the restaurant that Derek's family had picked out, and I can only hope that I will have a friend here that can keep me entertained as I am already doubting that any of his sisters will be talking to me after what happened at the lake except that it really had been deserved and I am sure that if I had been in a fit state when I had resurfaced it wouldn't have been his nose that I had injured. Instead I would have made a rather hard impact on the perpetrators groin.

I squeeze Derek's hand nervously, and can guess by his readjustment that it was a signal of me holding his hand too tight. Instead he drops my hand and slips his arm around my waist. He then squeezes my side slightly and I lean my head on his shoulder. Derek's family comes into view. I can see my father already sitting with them and I am also surprised to see Adele sitting with him. I am sure that this is a new development and I don't really know what to expect from her presence.

"I've got you." I hear Derek say and feel him press a kiss to my head. It seemed to be his mantra for the day and at the moment it seemed quite fitting.

We reach the group just as Lexie and Mark come up behind us and I am relieved that they are here too. Lexie stops beside me while Mark moves over to the group. We watch as he drifts around them, greeting Derek's mother with a hug and a quick kiss on the cheek, which is then applied to all of his fake sisters.

I crack a smile when Arizona and Callie join us and I notice that Arizona's hair is slightly messy.

"Sex hair" I murmur to her, and then I hear Derek chuckle as he had obviously noticed too.

"You said it looked fine." I hear Arizona hiss at Callie and I watched as a smirk spread across Callie's face.

"I like it." Callie justifies and I can't help but giggle before moving to help fix her hair. Just that moment was enough to help me feel that little more at ease.

"Staking your claim?" I ask Callie with a raised eyebrow, still in my final attempts to "de-sexify" Arizona's hair.

"You girls ready?" Derek finally asks as he takes hold of my hand again and I know that the question was more directed at me then it was to the others.

I nod slightly and we begin to move forward as a front, neither of us sure what to expect.

I move to kiss Richards cheek, Lexie following suit before I offer a small smile to Adele, still not sure what to think of her presence.

Derek than pulls out my chair, waits till I sit, and helps push it back in, before encouraging Mark to sit on one side of me. It was obvious that I wasn't the only one who had noticed that he was yet to greet his family. He then sat down on the other side of me. At the most, he had pressed a palm to Richards shoulder and had greeted Adele like a long forgotten friend.

The others filed into seats around us, Lexie being game enough to sit next to one Shepherd sister while Callie and Arizona sat opposite us.

The last four chairs that remained as any kind of division were left to be filled by Christina, Izzie, Alex and George. All four of them were yet to arrive as they were running late and the chance of them having car pooled was rather high.

A silence over took the table and my eyes ventured around the table passing over the concerned eyes of my father, to those belonging to Carolyn. My eyes moved further along to spy the rest of Derek's family. I pass the judging eyes of Derek's sisters, and as I moved further around I noticed James, his nose taped and the bruise dark and reaching his eyes. If I didn't know any better I would have thought that he had the "shit" beaten out of him. I had to try and hide my smile as I turned to look back at Derek, my hand moving to cup his cheek. I lean into him, kissing him tenderly. "You did good" I murmur before adding a "thanks."

After a moment of just focusing on us, we look up to see everybody's eyes on us. I know that Derek should probably talk to his family, or at least acknowledge them but it was obvious that he wasn't ready to, and I was more than okay with that despite the pointed looks coming from his mother. Instead he slipped an arm across the back of my seat and looked towards my father.

"My first surgery is scheduled at 8am. Is there any chance that I could meet with you before then?" he asks and I look between them, both curios as to what was being left unsaid.

I watch as Richard nods in return, his eyes flicking to me before back to Derek, making sure that their conversation was over. He then looked back to me and I could see that his eyes are full of concern. "Did you sleep well this afternoon?" he asks me and I see everyone move forward to hear my answer.

"At first no." I tell him before biting my lip and leaning into Derek. "It took a bit for Der to settle me down, and I had to use a few tricks that Dr Wyatt had given me, but eventually I did." I inform him before offering a small smile.

"God when I saw you go under." He started before pausing, his eyes filling with pain, before he attempted to shake it away.

"I came back up." I reply and I feel Derek's arm tighten around me. It was obvious that more than one of us had thought back to that day.

"So what exactly happened when you drowned?" Kathleen, Derek's eldest sister asked.

"Ferry accident" Mark stated before looking over to Derek and I, seeing which one of us wanted to tell the story.

I take a deep breath and think hard about what I want to tell them about that day.

"Were you on it when it crashed?" Kathleen asked as she looked around the table.

"No" I say and I look down at the table cloth, disregarding the menu that sat there. "I was doing triage." I tell them before nervously looking back up at Derek. We had only spoken about it once, but we had chosen not to really discuss it, just had spoken about how I had dealt with it during my therapy sessions. He searches my eyes and I see the pain in his and I give his hand a quick squeeze.

"I hadn't been in the best head space leading up to it. I had a fight with my mother the day before, and she said things." I say before taking a deep breath. "It hadn't been pretty, and it left me a little, I don't know, down." I say before looking back down the table at his sisters.

"Then the accident happened. Anyway, I was tending to this guy who had a broken leg. The bone had punctured the skin and I needed to wrap it in a splint and the compress it where I could. We were at the wharf. He went into a state of shock and he pushed me. I lost my balance and fell the 15 feet into the water." I tell them.

I feel Arizona's eyes on my, and I know this is the first time that she had heard this story. Lexie would have heard some of it before, especially when she had first started at the hospital.

"You're a good swimmer." She said and it was obvious that she was thinking back to our holiday in Australia.

"I was winded pretty badly." I tell them and as I do, I can see the events playing out in my head. "I struggled to get air, as well as tred water. I grew tired. I tried to call out to some people, but no one could hear me. By them I kept slipping under. My chest grew too tight, and my muscles started to seize and I realised that I was invisible to the world." I say quietly before looking away from everyone, "and then I just let go. I gave up."

There is a murmur spreading across the table and I know that this has just fuelled a thousand more questions.

"So how are you here now?" Eleanor asks and it was obvious that it was the question that was on the tip of everyone's tongues.

"I found her." Derek finally speaks up and I quickly look at him. This was something I hadn't heard before. I knew that he had pulled me from the water, but nobody ever told me the whole thing.

"The young girl who had been following Meredith everywhere rocked up at the base that had been set up and I began to worry that I hadn't seen Meredith for a while. I worried even more so when Meredith's jacket and ID badge were with a patient. Search and Rescue told me where they had found him, and it wasn't like Meredith to abandon a patient." He told them. "Anyway the little girl Meredith had helped led me to the spot where she had fallen in. I jumped in and found her." He said before turning to look at me slightly.

"I did C.P.R for half an hour, when we got to the hospital I got kicked out of the room and Richard took over." He said.

"We needed to get her body temperature up. About 5 of us, and Addie worked hard on her. We were there for about 3 hours before we gave up. Meredith's friend Christina came into the room and demanded that we go again. It was a miracle that she came back. It was completely against the odds. She was there. She came back to us." Richard told them. "However, a piece of us died that day." He finished, and it was obvious that he was also thinking about my mother.

"So you gave up?" Kathleen stated with a frown.

"I..." I start, but wasn't quite ready to explain what had happened to me while I was clinically dead. "I had" I tell her at first, "but then I remembered what I would be leaving behind." I finish before leaning into Derek, wanting to forget about everything that followed. "I came back." I whisper to Derek before resting my head on his shoulder.

"So Derek punched James because you tried to kill yourself?" Nancy asked harshly, and we all heard Carolyn say her name in warning.

"No" Derek states strongly. "I punched him because it was the first time that Meredith has been back in a large body of water and it had taken a lot for her to get in, let alone that far away from the pier." Derek tells her. "It was a stupid thing to do and he shouldn't have done it."

"Agreed" said Callie as she made her presence heard. "And you have no right to judge Meredith. She's been through a lot over the past few years. I f I was in her shoes, I would have given up too."

Everyone looks to Callie in shock, including me as I hadn't expected her to defend me.

Before anyone can say anymore Christina, Alex and George walk in and take up 3 of the four remaining seats.

"Where's Izzie?" I ask as I notice her absence.

"Busy" Christina states and I can see that there is something going on and I know that I will have to question her later. But right at this moment, I turn my focus to the little girl who had just climbed onto Derek's lap and was tapping my shoulder to get my attention.


	36. Chapter 36

To say that the dinner had ended well would be extremely optimisticof me but then again im usually a very optimistic person.

My family had managed to back off completely and Nancy surprised me by ceasing with the bitchiness. Im even sure i heard James murmur and apology to Meredith when she had looked his way and i was starting to think that maybe things would begin to function a little better.

Callie had managed to talk to Elle, and i was hoping that maybe a friendship would be foremed despite Elle's very fragile past with Arizona.

Both Arizona and Callie seemed increasingly more comfortable with each other despite their highs and lows of the alst few weeks and i knew that Meredith was making ammends with her sister just as speedily.

I had watched as Arizona had slipped an arm around her shoulder when talking to her, and how, on occassions, Meredith would lean into her embrace and rest her head on Arizonas shoulder. I could only hope that both of them would reach that stage with Lexie and couldnt help but wonder whether a holiday would do the trick.

I had a similar view in Richards case. I hoped that Meredith and he would form some father - daughter bond, like they both deserved.

I feel Meredith squeeze my hand, and i pull myself out of my head and look to her. It seems her friendly pow wow with Christina is over, and a look of concern is on her face.

"You ok?" I hear her ask and i pull her closer to me, relieved that the night had ended well and that even my mother had embraced Meredith catching her completely off guard and welcoming her to the family.

"Yeah" I sigh as i kiss the top of her head. I like it better when its just us, and she can relax into my arms. "Lets go home." i tell her.

She sighs and rests her head on my shoulder, her arms encircling me. "Which one?" i hear her ask, and knw that we havent really discussed where our married home base would be.

"trailer tonight." I say as i squeze her side. "I dont want to share you just yet."

Meredith smiled as her lips came up to meet mine and i cant help but smile against hers. "Forever" I hear her murmur, and i realease a contented sigh. "Forever." I affirm as i take her hand in mine and lead her to the car, ready to go home and just be us, husband and wife.


	37. Chapter 37

It had been months since the truth had come out and over that time i had managed to reform bonds with my sister, or sisters, get married, move into the trailer and watch the construction workers begin building what we though of as our dream home.

The way it is lookng now, it already is looking now has me dreaming about the family that Derek and I will have to fil it. Admitting that scares me, but not as much as the small swell that is now forming .

I was yet to tell Derek, but i was ready tonow, and am now waiting for him to come home.

Derek had truly been more that a dream for me, and i couldnt wait to tell him that he was going to be a dad. I had freaked out at first, which would explain why i had waited until now to tell him. The 3 month mark.

I move across the trailer to sit down at the kitchen table where 2 photos sit. The first being a snap shot one of Dereks sisters took before they left. Derek and I had been cuddled up close, my head on his chest, smiles on both of our faces.

The other photo, a much more recent one, was a reminder of all that my husband had done for my family. There stood Arizona wrapped in Callies arms, Lexie wrapped p in Mark and myself in Dereks. Richard stood with us, a big grin on his face. We all looked so happy standing in front of the holiday house that Derek had hired for us for the weekend. Our neighbour had only been too happy to take the photo. Adele hadnt been there that weekend. She had tried to piece things back together with Richard but it seemed that there was just far too much to forgive.

Smiling softly, i run my hand over the picture as i think of the picture that i had saved for Derek, the one that im going to give him now.

I hear his landrover rumble up the track, adn move to open the front door to see him clamber out of it and slamming the door closed.

He looks up and i see a tired smile spread acrosss his face. "You feeling better?" he asks as he greets me with a iss which i fight myself not to deepen.

"Dinner is ready." I tell him as i pull away from him and take his hand, leading him into the trailer.

"You cooked?" he asks looking surprised and i giggle and shake my head.

"I reheated." i say honestly. "Ari cooked."

He leans in and kisses me again and i feel his hand brush over my stomach pausing for a moment before caressing it softly as if he knew.

"Der" I murmur as i pull away almost breathless, looking into his eyes i see them filled with love.

"Here" i add as i slip the photo into his hands and he takes the framed sonogram.

"A picture?" he asks as he looks at the frame in wonderment.

"You knew?" i ask as i look at him surprised.

"Of course." he says smuggly as he gives me a kiss. "but i was waiting for you."

I could see that he knew i had freaked out as he moved to place the frames picture with the other two photos. "Our family" I say as i slide a plate of lasagna in front of him with some salad.

"We love you." i say as i sit across from him, my hand grasping his.

"I love you both too." he sighs and i look to all 3 pictures and think of how far i've already come and how far left we have to go


End file.
